


The bridge is crossed (So stand and watch it burn)

by Darth_Ezzy_Of_Gallifrey



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, BAMF Tony Stark, Because of Reasons, Canon Divergence, Dark Tony Stark, Domestic Fluff, Eventually evil(ish) Tony, I did this to make you cry, Loki Redemption, M/M, Plot Twists, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sassy Loki (Marvel), Sassy Tony Stark, Smut, This will be such fun, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Vision is too precious for this world, but not too much because feels, but sadly it's failing, civil war angst, don't fool yourselves, feels everywhere, spell goes veeeery wrong, tony vs magic, trash ironfrost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 11:10:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11850360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Ezzy_Of_Gallifrey/pseuds/Darth_Ezzy_Of_Gallifrey
Summary: It's not easy to discover in the same morning that 1) you have to baby-sit a god and 2) you're dying. But then again, Tony can say he's had weirder days.





	1. Morning news

**Author's Note:**

> NB: I planned this story way before watching "Spiderman - Homecoming" and therefore I've elected to ignore its ending (even if it's one of my favorite Marvel movies so far)

«I’m sorry Conan, but…» Tony snorted «WHY here?»

Thor scratched his head, embarrassed: «I, uhm, he has nowhere else to go.»

«I fail to see how that concerns me» Tony replied, flat.

«Same here» added Loki, staring at the other two as if he was hoping they'd both catch fire spontaneously.

Stark had never imagined there would come a day when he and Loki agreed, and yet!

That morning, he had crawled out of his bed and dragged himself to the kitchen. Still in a pre-coffee coma, he had glanced at the two gods sitting at his table and the large circular burn on the carpet.

«Morning, Point Break» Tony had muttered «Morning, Reindeer Games.»

The kettle had boiled, the coffee brewed. He had add a bit of milk - no sugar - and, as soon as caffeine had started running through his body and awaking his brain, Tony had realized something.

He had turned to stare at Loki.

«Weren't you...» Tony had hesitated «Dead?»

The other had just shrugged. Then Thor had asked him if his dear murdering brother could stay at the Avengers Compound for a while, while he settled a couple of things in Asgard. The blond god had just begun to mutter something about a goddess of death and a gladiator arena when Stark stopped him.

«What is the use of keeping me here?» Loki protested «I can help. Hela’s underlings are still on the loose, you can't hunt them all by yourself.»

«Brother, Asgard is not a safe place for you right now. It's best if you lay low for a while, at least until-»

«Until you decide which of the palace dungeons suits me best.»

Thor frowned: «We talked about this.»

«Talked? It seems to me you already made a choice, _your highness_.»

Tony cleared his throat: «As amazing as it is seeing a real-life Shakespeare drama, I really don't want anything to do with it. So if you could - you know - the door is that way.»

The two brothers completely ignored him and instead kept quarreling in a odd language that sounded to Stark like someone was crunching granite. With their own teeth. It was definitely not a good way to start the morning.

«Please Anthony» Thor said «He won't be a bother-»

«YOU WISH»

«- I just need you to keep him for a few months.»

«I don't need a wet nurse!» Loki growled.

Tony massaged the bridge of his nose, feeling a migraine surging.

«Thor, listen» he said «Even if I agreed - and I most definitely won't - how on Earth am I supposed to keep him here? I don't have a prison that can hold Asgardians in my backyard, if that's what you're hoping for.»

A guilty expression appeared on Thor’s face. Before Tony could realize what was going on, the Asgardian seized his arm and clasped a metallic bracelet on his left wrist.

«What the-?!» Stark screamed; he tried to get it off, spilling hot coffee on the floor, but there was no way to open it.

He glared at Thor.

«I’m sorry» the blonde said.

«Oh no, you didn't!»

«He did» Loki raised his arm, revealing an identical bracelet at his wrist «Welcome to the club.»

«This will prevent him from getting more than two miles away from you» explained Thor «Truly, I am sorry.»

«Get this off and I’ll forgive you.»

«I can't.»

Tony did his best to fight the impulse to smash his cup of coffee into the god’s face. He managed just because there was still some espresso left in it.

«What do you mean you can't?!»

Loki scoffed: «Only the touch of Odin can open it.»

Stark felt the urgent need to scream.

«I’ll make up for this, Metal Man» Thor promised.

«I don't see how you could.»

The blond Asgardian opened his mouth, as to say something, but closed it back right away. He turned to his brother.

«I’ll be back as soon as I can.»

Loki muttered something not very flattering under his breath. He didn't even look at Thor; his eyes were cold, full of anger. The other said goodbye to Tony one last time, before disappearing into the golden ray of the Bifrost. The burn on Stark’s carpet grew thicker.

«Well fuck» Tony muttered, a few seconds of awkward silence later.

«I don't suppose» Loki said «You still have that drink?»

***

«Okay, house rules! I don't want to see you, hear you or breathe your air. I have work to do, so stay out of my way. In fact, you can lock yourself into your room and pretend you didn’t exist.»

Loki was only half listening. He still couldn't believe Thor’s nerves. Abandoning him on Earth like a helpless infant, as he and Banner ran around saving Asgard. That was not Loki’s place. He wanted to fight. How could Thor confine him to the bench? Then again, that was what Thor always did: he lived adventures, while Loki stayed home and studied. Some things never changed, no matter how many centuries passed.

«Hey Rock of Ages, I’m talking to you!»

He glared at Stark. Of all the creatures in the universe, Thor just _had_ to pick the most annoying one to keep him prisoner.

«Don't worry, Tin Man,» Loki said «I have no intention to spend time with you, unless it's absolutely necessary.»

«Good, then it’s settled.»

Of course - Loki thought - maybe not all hope was lost. Any spell could be cracked, one way or another; he was confident enough he could break Odin’s enchantment too. He had all he needed: willpower, plenty of time and a good library. He felt the adrenaline rise.

«You can get Roger’s room» Tony continued, while he stirred a fresh coffee. He added sugar this time. An awful lot of sugar. «Feel free to change anything you like. Furniture, walls color, tear down the posters and stuff.»

Loki was confused: «And what about Captain Rogers?»

An naughty, and yet somewhat bitter, smirk appeared on Stark’s face.

«Let’s just say» he answered «He had it coming and he only had himself to blame.»

Sometimes Loki found it really difficult to understand humans: «Doesn’t he live here?»

«No.»

Tony stared outside the window, almost hoping to see Steve’s motorcycle running down the driveway, filling the air with the roar of its vintage engine and a cloud of dust, but the road was empty. He used to like old bikes. Now every time he heard one approaching his stomach had a painful twist; he would turn to see if it was his friend coming home and was alway disappointed.

«He won’t be back for a while.»

Ten minutes later, he was showing Loki Steve’s quarters.

«Don’t you have a luggage?» Tony asked, noticing the Asgardian had nothing on him resembling a backpack.  

Instead of answering, Loki pointed at a closet: «What’s that?»

«Uhm, that’s a broom closet. Bathroom is that way and you can sleep her-»

«It will suffice.»

Baffled, Tony watched as Loki took a small white stick out of his pocket. Chalk? Before he could stop him, the Asgardian started drawing something on the door; a complicate pattern, made of circles and runes. Stark squinted to get a better look. He saw Loki’s lips moving rapidly, muttering words he couldn’t catch. Then, the Trickster placed his hand on the center of the drawing; the runes glowed and Tony heard something on the other side of the door, like a loud “pop”.

«You better not have broken anything in there» he warned.

Loki smirked: «Your brooms are safe and sound, Stark.»

He swung the door open and Tony almost dropped his coffee. Again.

Instead of mops, spare toilet paper and dusters, Tony saw what seemed like a large, circular room. He followed Loki inside, to find himself surrounded by shelves brimming with books and other strange and seemingly delicate objects. There was a wooden desk on the right and a pair of armchairs on the left; at the center of the room, in a shallow well, burned a fire. Tony looked up, but the flames were not enough to lighten the chamber to the roof. A spiral staircase disappeared into the darkness above.

«So much for the luggage» he muttered, incredulous.

«I know,» Loki sighed «Usually I don’t travel this light.»

He grabbed Tony by the arm and together they left the room. The door shut behind them.

«What’s next? Sea World in the bathroom?»

Loki frowned: «… I truly don’t get you.»

«Never mind. I guess you’re about to ask me to never put foot in there.»

«You couldn’t even if you tried» the other replied.

Tony nodded. Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard, he thought. It looked like Reindeer Games had a lot to pass his time with; all he had to do was patiently wait for Thor to come back while Loki buried himself into books and potions. Easy peasy.

It was in that moment that Vision decided to make his entrance, emerging cluelessly from a wall.

«Mr Stark» he began, but stopped as soon as he saw Loki.

He stared at the newcomer, then back to Tony.

«Mr Stark» Vision asked with polite perplexity «Is that Loki?»

Tony snorted: «Yes, he is.»

«The same one who almost destroyed New York and brought the apocalypse on Earth?»

«That one.»

«And what are you supposed to be?» Loki wondered, annoyed.

«I am Vision» he answered «Obviously.»

It wasn’t that obvious to Loki, but he preferred not to point that out. There was something strangely familiar with the purple being; he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He felt his power, though. Like the blazing heart of a star.

«Can I do something for you, Vision?» asked Tony.

«Yes» he said, candidly «There is a man downstairs looking for you. A Dr Barrow?»

«Oh»

Stark felt an icy grip in his chest.

«Sure, uhm» he pointed Loki «Do you mind keep him company for a while? Like, show him around and stuff?»

«My records say he’s an enemy of the Avengers»  

«Err, yeah. Well, he’s a guest today.»

Vision hesitated: «I’m not sure I understand.»

«If that’s any consolation, neither do I» Loki scoffed.

«I see the beginning of a true friendship here, so I’ll leave you to it» Tony declared, going for the door «Don’t blow anything up!»

The god and the android shared an awkward stare.

«...»

«...»

«So...»

«Are you here to try and conquer Earth again?»

«Uhm, no.»

«That’s a relief» Vision tried to smile «Even if I’m effective in doing it, I really don’t like disintegrating people.»

«Oh.»

«Screams are unpleasant, you know?»

«Absolutely» Loki moved a couple of steps away.

***

It was probably best to meet Barrow with actual clothes on, Tony decided. He went to his room, swapped his pj’s for a black t-shirt and clean jeans, then checked his reflection in the mirror. A bit pale, maybe, and the bags under his eyes were larger than usual, but he looked healthy. Mostly. Whatever, he had been worse.

He snorted.

Trying to push back the fear, Stark welcomed Jerome Barrow with his brightest smile.

«Good to see you Doc, how are you doing?»

Jerome smiled back. He was a pudgy man in his sixties, with slender fingers, bright eyes and that warm kind of attitude which had the power to make anyone feel comfortable. Even Tony Stark. Barrow was born to be a doctor.

«Hello Mr Stark» he said «I’m well, thank you. What about you?»

Tony smirk was forced now: «It’s your job to tell me, ain’t it?»

«Yes» the other nodded «I suppose it is.»

«Can I offer you a drink?»

«I’d love a glass of ginger ale. And if we could talk somewhere private...»

«Sure» Tony said «This way.»

Private. Private didn’t sound good, he thought as he poured two glasses of soft drink. Barrow extracted a large folder from his bag and began spreading documents and x-rays on the kitchen table. Tony sat in front of him and stared at the scans of his chest, a cold shiver running down his spine.

«So» Stark said, unable to restrain his questions any longer «Did you do what I asked?»

Jerome sipped the ginger ale and nodded: «All the tests have been re-run.»

«See? I knew there was something wrong with the results!» he pointed at a scan «That says I’m fine, right?»

But there was no trace of reassurance in Barrow’s look.

Stark swallowed: «Right?»

The doctor took his glasses off, staring at him straight in the eye: «Tony,» he said «The results were exactly the same.»

He felt his heart sink: «No, no… There must be a mistake.»

Jerome shook his head: «There is no mistake, Tony. You are dying.»

***

«… And from here you can get a splendid view of the surroundings.»

«It’s just an airstrip and flat countryside.»

«Yes.»

«There is literally nothing to see.»

«The airstrip and the countryside. Aren’t they beautiful?»

Loki decided it was best not to express his true thoughts: «Anything else you’d like to show me?»

«Let’s see» Vision pondered «We have a lovely gas meter in the basement.»

«Do you now?»

«Oh yes, it’s quite the thing! It marvels me every time I see it.»

«Speaking of marvels» Loki said, vaguely «That’s a nice gem on your forehead.»

«Thank you» Vision replied, politely «It was in your scepter.»

It took him a few seconds to realize what the other had just said. Loki turned pale.

«In my… My scepter?»

«Yes.»

His heart pounded faster.

«Actually I was hoping you could tell me what it is» Vision continued.

«Sadly, I have no idea» he lied «I was merely a tool mysefl.»

«Oh, that’s a shame.»

«Sorry I can’t be of help.»

Loki just couldn’t believe his luck! With an Infinity Stone within his reach, breaking Odin’s curse would prove as simple as sugar cookies. He hid a vicious smile. An escape plan was already forming inside his head.

***

«You are dying.»

Those words fell on him like an icy shower, taking his breath away.

«I’m sorry, what?»

«Your heart is failing» the doctor continued «The injuries you sustained in Siberia weakened it beyond repair.»

Tony’s hands were shaking: «There must be something we can do. Whatever it is, I can take it. An operation? A transplant?»

«I’m sorry Tony, it’s just too dangerous to operate. And anyway, you’d have very little chances of success.»

He could feel his head spinning; for a moment, he was sure he would puke.

«I can prescribe you some pills. With those and a quiet lifestyle, you could live another couple of years-»

« _A quiet lifestyle_?» Tony snapped.

Jerome frowned: «Well you don’t expect to keep using that suit of yours, I hope.»

«What else should I do?»

«It’s out of the question» Barrow said, firm «You could have a stroke any moment; flying around and getting into fights is the fastest way to get yourself killed!»

«Doc, I can’t just retire.»

«You can if you want to live.»

Tony tried to reply, but there was like a noose around his neck, blocking his voice. He was dying. Was that why he felt so alive? Why he could feel the blood pumping into every vein, the lungs expanding, the bitter taste of coffee mixing with the acid of the ginger on his tongue? He tried to imagine how the void would feel. The absence. Death.

Barrow sighed: «Listen, I know it’s hard to accept, but I’m saying this for your own good. Retire. Live peacefully and happily what you have left. Stay beside the people you love.»

«It’s not the first time I face this» Tony muttered, almost talking to himself «I cheated death once, I can do it again.»

«I remember the palladium poisoning,» the other said «This is different.»

«I’m not giving up.»

He just couldn’t, not after all he had faced. Not when there was so much to do. His thoughts went to Steve and his team; Sam, Wanda, Clint, that other guy whose name he didn’t remember. They still needed his help.

And Pepper. He felt a stab of pain in his chest. How could he die and leave so many things unsaid between them?

«I’m not suggesting you give up. What I’m saying is, don’t throw away the time you have left chasing the impossible; it would only consume you.»

That still sounded a bit too much like “get comfortable and die”. No. As long as he breathed, Tony resolved, he wouldn’t surrender; and if death _was_ coming for him, he was not going down without a fight.

«Thank you, Doc, I’ll think about it» he lied.

Jerome smiled: «I’ll write you a prescription.»

«Sure.»

«Please, take the pills.»

«I will. I will.»

Tony suspected Barrow didn’t believe him. No big deal, he barely believed himself. While the doctor scribbled on his notebook, Tony kept thinking about his failing heart; he tried to let the knowledge of it settle down, bit by bit. It didn’t make it less painful, or scary. By the time Jerome handed him the prescription, Tony was terrified.

The doctor collected his documents: «I’ll check with you in a couple of weeks.»

He could only nod in response.

«Stay strong, Tony.»

Sure. Stay strong, thought Stark as soon as he was alone again; as if he hadn’t stayed strong his whole fucking life!

The half-full glass of ginger ale was still sitting on the table. Tony pushed it aside, screaming as it shattered on the kitchen floor. It was a tired cry, almost a sobbing. He wasn’t sure he could be strong. He didn’t know if he could take it any more.

Stark sat down, looking into the void.

“The fight is over” a shapeless voice whispered in him “You lose.”

«I lose...»

He found a bottle of vodka under the counter and drank a few sips straight from it.

«I lose.»


	2. Shattering

The sunlight leaked from the shutters in red stripes. Tony was laying on his bed; he had been staring at the same spot on the ceiling for hours now. The bottle of vodka was empty on the floor, but the panic was still there, in the back of his head, waiting for the moment he’d be sober again to return.

"Sir" F.R.I.D.A.Y. spoke, out of the blue "You should be preparing yourself by now."

Tony snorted: "Preparing? And for what?"

"The Foundation Gala, sir."

A memory stirred; new bow tie, a tuxedo, a person he wanted to see.

"The Gala is tonight?"

"Yes, sir. In exactly three hours."

"Shit!"

He jumped on his feet and, staggering a bit, ran to the bathroom. How could he forget? Well, he admitted, the news of imminent death did things to people. For a moment he felt the fear again, itching on his nape. He had to pause and take a deep breath.

“ _Wake up, Tones_ ” he said to himself “ _You don’t want anyone seeing you like this, do you?_ ”

He knew he wouldn’t be able to stand it. The pity on everyone’s faces, just like at his parents’ funeral. Those worried smiles, the tears, people hugging him and telling him everything would be alright. Time would heal him. Tony looked himself in the mirror and decided time didn’t heal shit.

He would put on his usual mask tonight: carefree, frivolous millionaire. Not a worry in the world. A scalding shower was exactly what he needed. Tony threw his clothes on the floor; he would pick them up later. The water ran hot on his skin, filling the air with steam. He breathed in, hoping the vapor and the soap would wash away the day. All his worries, all his fears had to disappear in the darkness of the pipes. He had to be Tony Stark again.

Tony staid under the jet until his fingertips started to wrinkle, abandoning himself completely.

"Sir?"

He snorted: "Yes?"

"Aren’t you forgetting something?"

Tony paused, desperately trying to remember: "Am I to give a speech?"

"No, sir" by the tone of her voice, F.R.I.D.A.Y. was doing whatever the equivalent of a facepalm was for a disembodied AI "Your guest."

"My guest?"

"Yup."

Stark frowned, thoughtful. Suddenly he realized _who_ F.R.I.D.A.Y. meant. His eyes widened in horror.

"Oh no" he groaned, glancing at the bracelet still secure on his wrist as if he could just will it way; water drops looked like gems on the smooth metal.

"Splendid!"

"Am I detecting sarcasm, sir?"

"Absolutely not, what makes you think that?" Tony replied, sarcastic "Where is he?"

"I believe Vision is showing him the tubing, sir."

A satisfied grin turned up on Tony’s lips. Eventually, he turned off the water.

***

"Look at the symmetry, the design!"

Loki was actually looking for a way out of that torture, but he pretended to admire the pipes running on the ceiling.

"Uhm, yeah, gorgeous" he said with fake enthusiasm, which Vision - obviously - didn’t catch.

"Exactly!" the android agreed, delighted "Finally someone who appreciates."

He’d have appreciated Vision’s lips, Loki thought. Ripped from his face and thrown into a black hole. But he eyed the gem on the other’s forehead, gleaming in the half-light of the basement, and snarled internally. Loki knew better than to challenge the power of an Infinity Stone.

He had to be patient, he reminded himself. He was never going to steal it with brutal strength. What Loki needed was a trick; luckily, tricks were his speciality.

"There you are."

A voice stopped Vision before he could begin another, heartfelt eulogy on the Compound’s plumbing. Loki breathed a sigh of relief. He turned to see Tony walking towards them; he was now wearing an expensive-looking dinner jacket.

"Did I miss all the fun?" Stark asked, with a smirk.

"I showed Mr Loki around, as you asked me" the android declared, not without a certain pride.

Tony laughed: "Thanks buddy, I knew I could count on you."

There was something not right in that laugh, Loki thought instantly. A bitterness Stark was trying to cover with too much sugar.

"You" Tony said, pointing the god "We gotta go. Do you have a suit?"

Loki hesitated: "A… suit of armor?"

"Okay, we’ll fix you something" he turned on his heels "Come along, Reindeer Games!"

Grumbling, Loki followed him down the corridor. Vision suddenly found himself alone with the pipes; the android awkwardly looked around, unsure of what to do.

"Oh well" he shrugged and back he was, admiring the plumbing.

Meanwhile, Loki and Tony were climbing to the surface on a elevator. They didn’t look at each other, nor spoke. Stark was lost deep in his own thoughts; the god, for his part, was trying to guess them. He had passed centuries learning how to read people, mostly complete strangers, but Tony was not so easy to understand; he could catch just a glimpse of what hid behind the millionaire's mask.

“ _He must be used to wearing one_ ” Loki thought and it bothered him that he and Tony had a thing like that in common.

Eventually, Loki decided to break the silence: "You knew this would happen, didn’t you?"

"I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about" Tony replied candidly.

"That purple… thing and its neverending talking!"

"Oh yes" he nodded "Vision can be incredibly chatty."

"You left me with it on purpose."

This time, Stark couldn’t hold back a evil smile: "Consider it a payback for New York."

"I hate you."

"I hate you too, dear."

"Where are you taking me?"

"A Gala" Tony explained "Ever been to one? Apart from Stuttgart."

Loki snorted: "I’m a _prince_ , I've seen more Galas than you can count."

"Good."

"I just don’t get why I should go."

"Because _I_ have to go and thanks to your big brother-" Tony eloquently showed him the bracelet at his wrist "Where I go, you follow."

Right. Loki felt the anger rise again.

"Of course, you can’t go with" Stark gestured in Loki’s general direction "That."

"… Myself?"

"Yes, that. Your face."

"What’s wrong with my face?"

"It’s the face of a supposedly dead interplanetary criminal" Tony reminded him "That’s what’s wrong with it."

He had to admit it made sense.

The elevator had mirrors covering all its walls; the god stared at his reflection, whispering a few words. Instantly, he felt the familiar embrace of magic surrounding him. Loki closed his eyes to concentrate; when he opened them again, another person looked back from the mirror, a tall man with kind eyes and short ginger hair, wearing a tuxedo similar to Tony’s. The stranger grinned, letting a bit of Loki out in the open.

"Not bad" Stark said, glancing at the reflection "What should I call you?"

Loki thought about it: "How does Logan King sound?"

Tony nodded: "I like it. Very inconspicuous."

The other glared.

"You could be a history professor from London."

"Why London?"

"All villains in Hollywood are Brits."

Loki stared at him in silence, confused.

Tony snorted: "Never mind."

***

The helicopter was driving itself, which worried Loki for the first twenty minutes of their flight: he still distrusted human technology. But soon he realized the journey would be smooth and safe, so he directed his attention to Tony, sitting right next to him.

Stark had taken a small flask out of a pocket; Loki watched as he drank a few sips. Alcohol was making Tony’s eyes gleam.

"Are you drunk?" Loki asked.

"Never" the other replied "I’m simply maintaining my standard level of insobriety."

"You smell of booze."

"You smell of daddy issues and disappointment."

It wasn’t everyday that Loki found someone capable of dueling him with words. Another thing he didn’t like about his unintended host. It would have been more difficult to retain the upper hand, if he had started admiring his adversary.

"Look" Loki began, not without effort "I don’t like the situation just as much as you do."

Tony’s laugh was full of scorn: "Believe me, you are the least of my problems right now."

Taken aback by the millionaire’s tone, he didn’t know how to reply.

Loki’s hesitation was enough for Tony to continue: "This Gala celebrates Stark Foundation’s efforts to help victims of humanitarian crisis. There will be tons of big people and, most importantly, their cheque books. Since we are looking for new do-gooders, everything needs to be flawless. In other words," his voice turned into a growl "If you try anything funny, I’ll kill you."

He was not boosting, Loki realized. He began to grasp just how much Stark had changed in the few years their paths hadn’t crossed; he remembered him to be headstrong, determined and clever enough to be a menace, but now there was something else in him. Something darker. Loki was dying to know where it came from. And how to exploit it to his advantage.

He smirked: "I’ll do my best to behave."

"You better" Tony drank another sip, as the helicopter commenced its descent.

***

The paparazzi’s flashlights blinded him as soon as Tony took one step to the ground; he smiled and waved, as usual. He had never cared much about the pictures taken of him. He had been captured while drunk, high and he vaguely remembered something that turned up on Playboy. But that night, with all the lights pointing in his direction, Tony wondered if they could see the pallor on his face or the black circles around his eyes. Could they guess, he asked himself as he strolled down the red carpet. Could they guess he was dying?

Finally, the doors of the ballroom closed behind him and Loki, like a shield of glass and polished steel. He breathed in relief.

"These are the most powerful people on Earth?" he heard Loki mutter, at his side.

Tony shrugged: "They are the richest."

"That man is orange" the god sounded a bit concerned.

"Yes."

"Is it normal for humans?"

"No, but I’m not sure he’s entirely human."

He made a mental note to have someone escort the Orange Shame out of his party; Stark was certain he didn’t send him an invitation. Tony briefly glared at the only man on Earth that made him wish the Avengers didn’t stop Loki from ruling the world.

"Stay near me," Tony said "And don’t-"

"Try anything funny, I know."

The next half hour or so was completely dedicated to greetings; Tony lost count of how many hands he shook, how many smiles he faked, how many faces and names he immediately forgot. None of those people were the reason he came. Loki, on the other hand, looked untroubled by the crowd of humans swarming around them; his laughs were always warm and Tony soon noticed the god remembered each and every name. He seemed born to be a perfect host. Perks of being of royal blood, Stark decided.

Finally, on the other side of the ballroom, he caught a glimpse of who he was looking for and his heart pounded faster.

"I gotta go" he told Loki and rushed away without even waiting for his answer.

Tony made his way through glittering dresses and expensive suits, drawn to a long blue gown like a moth is drawn to the light. When he got near enough, his hands almost shaking for the emotion, he cleared his throat.

The woman in the blue dress turned around; her eyes met Stark’s and a surprised smile lighted them up.

"Tony!" she exclaimed, reaching out to hug him.

He held her tight against his chest, savoring the perfume of her hair. God, he was so happy he could have cried.

"Hello Miss Potts" he said, trying his best to control the tremor in his voice "You look dashing."

***

"I gotta go."

Loki had barely the time to hear Tony’s words, that the millionaire had already disappeared in the crowd. After a moment of uncertainty, he shrugged and did the only thing a man should do when he’s at a party he couldn’t care less for: he went looking for a drink.

The bar seemed well furnished at least, Loki thought as he approached the counter.

"What can I get you tonight, sir?" the bartender asked him, promptly.

"Whatever you have that’s strong and sour, if you please."

With the craved drink finally in his hands, Loki leaned on the counter, observing the people around him. That might have been Earth’s nobility, he pondered, but he could see nothing noble about them. An obnoxious crowd, wearing pompous jewellery and clothes. All those humans seemed to be there mostly to celebrate themselves rather than this Foundation Stark talked about.

Loki had just noticed a group of doormen trying to show the orange human the door - he kept screaming something like “Have you got _any idea_ of who I am?!” - when a familiar voice distracted him.

"Splendid party, ain’t it?"

He raised an eyebrow, baffled to recognize the woman who silently materialized at his side. Sure, her hair were now light blond instead of red, but there was no mistake; Natasha Romanoff smiled at him, the usual cunning light in her eyes.

"Hello there" he greeted back, relaxed "May I offer you a drink?"

There was no way she could recognize him, so he decided to play the part.

"Is it poisoned?" she asked, as if it was the funniest joke in the world.

Loki chuckled: "Why would I poison you, Miss…?"

"Natasha Romanoff."

"Miss Romanoff" he kissed her hand "I’m Logan King. It’s a pleasure to meet you."

She laughed. It wasn’t an amused laugh. It felt cold and sounded like shattering glasses.

"Logan King?" she scoffed "And I thought Fury’s aliases were lame."

Loki’s face hardened. Impossible.

She leaned closer: "You can get me a gin tonic. And then you can tell me why are you here with Stark and not dead like Thor told us you were."

***

Pepper looked… serene. Her shoulders were relaxed, her eyes untroubled; she was genuinely enjoying the evening. It was heartbreaking.

"I didn't know you were coming" she said.

Tony shrugged: "I had no plans for the night, so…"

"How are you, Tony?"

Good question. How was he?

"I’m good," he lied "Yeah, I’m good. How are you?"

"Well, you know" she made that little giggle that always had the power to melt him "The usual. Busy running the company. It's hard, but rewarding."

They stared at each other for a few moments, an awkward silence grew around them. How long since he had last seen her? Tony tried to remember. It was just after Sokovia. They were home. He could recall the way she nervously played with her hair - they were untied on her shoulders - and the tears leaving salty paths on her cheeks. The night when they said goodbye.

It was Pepper who finally broke the silence: "You really look well."

He smirked as a thanks.

“ _I’m not well_ ” he thought.

"Tony" her smile faded away "I’m really sorry for what happened."

"Don't, please-"

"I just couldn't take it anymore."

"I know. I know."

She had been sobbing that night, her whole body shaking.

"Please" she had prayed "Tony please, I can't do it! I tried, I swear, but I can't. Do you have any idea of how hard it is? Watching on a screen as you risk your life, praying every time a building collapses that you're not under it and unable to do anything - _anything_ \- to help you! And the thought- the thought that you might die alone and I couldn't hold your hand, or say goodbye, I- I can't do it. It's too much. I can't."

He couldn’t stop being Iron Man, she had always known. The next morning a car had come to take away Pepper Potts and her luggage. He hadn't tried to hold her back. Tony had been heartbroken and angry for a long time, but could he really blame her?

And there she was now. Pepper looked rejuvenated. He hadn't seen her so well in years. And Tony knew it was all thank to their break-up. She had left because he was dragging her down in the abyss with him; now she was free again. Despite the pain of losing her, Tony was much more glad to see her like this.

"I’m not blaming you, Pepper" he said, taking her hand into his "I understand. And you look marvelous, so…"

She held his fingers with tenderness: "You will always be in my heart, Tony. If there's anything I can do for you, will you let me know?"

“ _I’m dying Pepper. For real this time and I need you by my side again. I can't face this alone._ ”

But he couldn't bring himself to say it. If he had ruined her happiness, he knew he’d never be able to forgive himself.

"I already have the best CEO I could ever wish for" he told her instead.

He must have let slip something, because Pepper’s expression changed. Luckily, before she could ask him anything, a secretary tapped on her shoulder.

"Miss Potts" she said, hurried "It's time for your speech."

"Thank you, I’m on my way."

She turned to Tony once again: "Can you wait for me? I’ll just say a few word, then I’ll be back."

"Yeah, sure!" he smiled "I’ll see you after the spotlights."

Tony watched her climbing on the stage, welcomed by a round of applause. He admired Pepper, his Pepper, and the woman she had become. Strong and beautiful. She had no need for him; all he could do was hurt her.

He listened for maybe five minutes, then he turned on his heels and disappeared amongst the crowd.

***

"How did you know?" Loki growled.

Natasha sipped her drink: "Seeing through masks is my job."

Oh, the effort he made to resist the urge of snapping her beautiful neck!

"Speaking of job, where is Barton? I’d _love_ to see him."

"Barton is way out of your reach" she hissed.

Good, Loki thought; her old weakness was still there.

"What are you doing here?" Natasha asked again.

The usual. His dear brother carelessly dumped him on that disgusting planet, tied him to a volatile, capricious human and ran off.

"I will be Stark’s guest for a while" he replied "You can relax, Romanoff, I’m not a threat."

"I’ll be the judge of that."

"Well, if you’re about to say you’ll kill me if I make a false step, you better take your number. The line is growing everyday and the menace is not so… menacing anymore."

She didn’t seem to find the pun of her liking.

"Just remember" Natasha purred "We beat you once, we’ll do it again if we need to."

"True" he conceded "Though, you seem to be short of - how did Stark put it? A master assassin, a demigod, a super soldier and a Hulk."

"We have other resources."

He grinned: "Oh, I’m sure. But none as Banner."

Natasha drank her gin and tonic to the drop.

"I’ll keep an eye on you" she warned.

The Black Widow grabbed her purse and turned to leave, but Loki just couldn’t throw away this chance. He had a message to deliver after all.

"Banner is fine."

She froze.

"He’s in Asgard with my brother. He asked me to tell you he’s fine."

For once, Loki found himself speaking plainly, without second purposes. But Natasha didn’t see it that way. She glared at him, with such fire in her eyes he felt them pierce through his chest.

"I don’t know what kind of game you want to play" she said, cold as ice "But-"

"There is no game" Loki stopped her "It’s just a message."

Natasha scoffed: "Sure it is."

And she walked away on her high heels. Loki snorted, annoyed. He couldn’t wait to get out of that place. If only he could put his hands on that Infinity Stone…

"Ladies and gentlemen" a voice announced from the speakers "Please welcome the CEO of Stark Industries, Miss Pepper Potts."

The crowd cheered as a ginger woman in a blue dress made her way on stage; the god followed her steps, intrigued. Pepper Potts. He knew that name. Wasn’t she Stark’s companion? He observed as she smiled to the guests; she was pretty for a human, no doubt. But to get Tony’s attention, she’d have to be brilliant as well. Miss Potts certainly knew how to keep a public hooked, Loki decided, listening to her speech.

He sipped his drink, reflecting. Could she be turned into a liability for Stark?

All pensive, Loki jumped when he felt someone grabbing his arm and dragging him away from the counter. He barely managed to retain his glass.

"We’re leaving" Stark explained, blunt, as they made their way across the ballroom.

"But" he replied, perplexed "We’ve been here less than an hour."

"Yup. And now we are going home."

"I thought that was your woman speaking on the stage."

Tony’s grip on his wrist tightened painfully.

"She can handle it without me" he said between his teeth.

Interesting, Loki thought. Soon they were breathing the fresh air of the night again.

***

“ _Good job Stark, you must be so proud of yourself_ ” he heard his conscience whisper through the flapping of the helicopter’s blades “ _Running away like the coward you are. She deserved a lot better than a man like you._ ”

Trying to shut it off, Tony focused on Loki. The god had regained his usual aspect.

"Is it magic what you do?" Stark asked, out of the blue.

The other gazed back and frowned: "Of course. What else should it be?"

Tony shrugged: "Dunno. Some kind of technology..."

He had already knew the answer; even now that the spell was over, Tony could still see the air vibrating around Loki. An undetectable movement, except for those who knew what to look for. And Tony did. After all those years, he still did.

Suddenly, an ember of hope gleamed inside him.

"Those books in your T.A.R.D.I.S. cupboard, are they books of magic?" he asked, trying to keep it vague.

Loki nodded: "Most of them. What’s a Tardis?"

"Time and relative dimension in space."

"What?"

"Never mind. What kind of magic?"

This time, Loki’s eyes examined him suspiciously: "All kinds. Why?"

"Just wondering if I have to worry about you blowing up my place with you junior magic kit."

As the helicopter flew in the cold autumn sky, a plan started to form in Tony’s head. A desperate plan, but also his last chance. Technology was failing him. Human medicine was failing him as well. Maybe, he thought, it was time for him to look back and beyond.

***

 

Kamar-Taj, 1992

 

The Ancient One stares at her adept, with a look in her eyes only a handful of sorcerers has ever seen: she is sad.

"So" she says "You made you choice."

"Yes."

"And it’s final."

The other scoffs. He still hides his pain behind arrogance.

"Look, I know you don’t want me to leave your Jedi Order, but this ain’t working for me."

"I told you" she replies, calmly "What you were looking for when you came to us can’t be done."

"Yup, and you also said 'Hey don’t worry, you’ll learn so much crazy shit about the world you’ll forget your own issues'. Problem is… I still don’t give a fuck about that. All the don’t-worry-be-happy part? Not for me."

She tries her best not to show how much she’s hurt.

"Stark" she pleads "Think about it. Do you really want to give up all of this?"

"I do."

The Ancient is speechless before Tony, her best apprentice in centuries. And the only one ever to see the true face of the Universe and reject it.

"See Yoda" he explains "I don’t want knowledge. I don’t care about it. I just wanted my mom back. And since you can’t do it, I have no choice but to leave."

"What you ask is impossible" she says for the millionth time "But there is so much more you could accomplish, so many people you could still save."

"No offense, but none of them is called Maria Stark."

A painful lump forms in her throat. She is forced to realize there is nothing she can say that will change Tony’s mind. She has offered him the most precious gemstones in her treasure, but all he desires is fool’s gold. So let him have it. She knows better than to try and force destiny, even if it pains her to see such potential wasted.

She lowers her eyes: "Very well."

"Will you let me go free?"

"I tried to free you Tony" she replies, coldly "You’ll never be more free than when you were inside these walls. Now you will return to the outside world, but don’t fool yourself: that is the real prison."

He smirks and stands up to take his leave: "We’ll see about that."

"I’ll send postcards" he adds, a moment before closing the door behind him "Have a good life."

The slamming sound thunders in the room.

"It’s a pity" mutters the Ancient One.

"It’s a waste" she corrects herself, a moment later.

Tony Stark could have been one of the greatest magicians of this era, but now she’ll have to find someone else to serve as champion against the darkness. He will realize his mistake, the Ancient One is sure of that. One day, after all hope is lost, he would remember it. He would remember magic.


	3. Borrowed Life

“Hello? Hello?!?”

“I can hear you Loki, but all I see is the wall.”

“How the heck does this thing even work?”

“You have to switch to the front camera.”

“The what?”

“Just press- press the icon.”

“What’s an icon?”

“On the right side of the screen.”

“The right side of- Oh for Odin’s sake!”

“It’s shaped like a camera.”

“Okay okay, I’m trying. Better?”

“Nope.”

“I swear I’m disintegrating this _me paddle._ ”

“It’s called _iPad_.”

“Whatever!”

“Can you see the camera icon?”

“This would be way simpler if we just used magic.”

“Right side, down. Press it.”

“I’m pressing everything!”

“STOP! I see you now.”

Actually what Stephen Strange was looking at was just part of Loki’s nose and chin, but at least it was a progress. The Asgardian seemed quite pissed. He grumbled something about human technology that made Strange chuckle.

“I see you’re adapting well, my friend.”

“Fuck you Strange.”

He couldn’t help grinning: “Is that a _to-do-list_ , old boy?”

“Come rescue me and you’ll find out” the other smirked in return.

“Would that it were so simple” Strange replied, with an overly-dramatic sigh.

“After all that happened you still consider me a threat” Loki said “I’m hurt, Doctor. I thought we were friends.”

Stephen’s face turned serious: “Cut the crap. We both know you’re volatile in your friendships, to say the least. No matter how pleasant your company is to me, you stay right where you are. Far away from my Sanctum and its artifacts.”

“You sound like my father.”

“Is living with Stark that bad?”

Loki shrugged: “I barely see him anyway.”

“Oh” Strange said, surprised “How so?”

“I keep to myself” Loki replied “You know, reading. Meditating. I do a bit of sport.”

The vague tone of his answer alerted the sorcerer.

“Loki” he said, glaring “You didn’t bring anything with you, right?”

“Define ‘anything’.”

“You know what I mean” Strange said, his suspects growing by the second “Enchanted items, books of magic, anything that could put Earth at danger in the wrong hands.”

The god smiled: “Anything can be dangerous in the wrong hands.”

“Loki!”

“Even if I _did_ bring something with me - and I’m not saying that's the case - do you think I’d leave it unguarded?”

“That’s not the point.”

“The point being?” Loki replied “What’s the issue? Are you afraid that Mordo you told me about could steal _from me_?”

Strange groaned: “Karl Mordo is not the only one that worries me. The world is full of dark sorcerers.”

“Well, none of them is a god.”

Technically, neither was Loki, but he'd rather not point it out.

“Don’t trouble your mind, Strange” the other said, with what was probably intended to be a reassuring smile, but had just the opposite effect “No magical accidents, I promise.”

Stephen grumbled, far from convinced: “I’ll check on you, as your brother asked me.”

“Fine by me.”

“Please behave.”

“Why does everyone keep telling me that?!” Loki snapped “I’m an adult, I can act responsibly!”

Strange gave him an eloquent glare.

“Come by when you like” the god mumbled, annoyed.

“I most certainly will.”

“Soon, if you can.”

“I’ll check my calendar” he winked “Stay strong.”

Strange terminated the Skype call.

***

Loki fell back on his apartment’s sofa with a loud groan, tossing the device aside. He massaged the bridge of his nose, frustrated and tired and bored to death. He didn’t know how he would be able to stand another day locked up in there, let alone the weeks or months that might take Thor to come back.

After days of studying, Loki had given up any chances to escape using the Infinity Stone; its vessel was too strong to take down in combat and the power of the gem had pushed away every charm Loki tried to use on it. He was out of options.

He had decided to rest, for now. Cool down his mind, read random books, wait for a sparkle of inspiration to pop up in his brain. If only he had someone to talk to, a voice to break the silence. He couldn’t count on Strange and, anyway, communicating through technology wasn’t the same. It was in those moments that, more than ever, he missed his old life, before his skin turned blue for the first time.

He missed going through the mountains of bureaucracy with his father, trying to make sense of the huge mess that was governing Asgard. He missed drinking with Thor till dawn and falling asleep on their room’s floor, blind drunk but happy. Most of all, he missed his mother.

A painful lump formed in his throat. He’d never forgive Odin for not letting him say good-bye. Or himself for the last words he said to her.

He desperately needed to speak with someone. Anyone. Otherwise, he felt his on thoughts would crush him. Well - he corrected himself - anyone but Vision. He wasn’t _that_ desperate yet.

It had thought a few times to try Stark, but he always restrained himself. Mainly because, whenever they crossed paths in the Compound, his host had such a grim light in his eyes that Loki would rather shut up. Anthony looked like he could kill him, if he had just dared to speak. He needed no magic to know the billionaire was not well; to what extent, Loki couldn’t tell, but he could smell something on him. Disease. Either of the body or the mind.

He wasn’t sure yet if he wanted to dig deeper. He snorted; there he was, trapped between loneliness and talking to an enemy. Hopefully, Thor would be back before he was forced to make a decision.

Loki checked the anonymous watch ticking on the wall. It was almost midday and he hadn’t had anything to eat yet. His stomach growled.

“Oh well” he muttered, standing up and stretching his back.

Perhaps it was time for breakfast. Cooking and drinking some cups of that brown liquid humans liked so much could help him pass a few hours. Yeah, why not? He was sure he had seen some eggs and a pair of sausages in the fridge the night before. No mead, sadly, but always better than nothing.

Moments later, he shut the door behind him, heading for the kitchen.

***

He waited until Loki had turned the corner. Tony silently approached the apartment’s door.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.” he said “Override the lock.”

There was a muffled _clank_. His heart racing, Stark took a deep breath and slipped inside, closing the entrance behind him. As soon as he was alone, Tony wondered again if that was a good idea, or if the mixture of heart pills and booze he had been taking for the past weeks had simply got the better of him. Was he crazy? Searching Loki’s magical cupboard for a spell - _a spell, for fuck’s sake!_ \- that could save his life?

He could still turn back. Just return to his quarters, finish yesterday’s the bottle of Scotch and… And crawl in a corner and let his heart stop forever, because he couldn’t stand another day of dizziness and nausea, of swallowing more medicines than real food, of cuts that never healed because of the blood thinners, of going to the toilet and seeing his own piss turn the water red.

Every pill reminded him he was dying. No more.

The chalk drawing was still there, untouched, as if not even a second was passed. Tony stared at it, deep in his thoughts.

“Sir” F.R.I.D.A.Y. asked “Should I run a program to decipher it?”

“Thank you, but you can’t help me this time” he muttered.

Stark touched the sigil with the tips of his fingers, religiously. There was something there that mere technology could not grasp, something more. He closed his eyes, trying to remember. He was surprised by how easy it was to dig up memories he had buried deep in the darkness for decades. Like the Ancient One and her lessons had never left him. Like they were just waiting to welcome him back.

He felt a tickle on his skin. Magic was running again through his veins. The chalk lines began to shine faintly under his touch and Tony’s heart rushed; it worked! Under his eyes, the runes and circles started to move, like cogs in a mechanism.

“Sir?”

“It’s alright, F.R.I.D.A.Y.” Tony reassured her, his voice trembling with excitement “I got this. Just remember our plan.”

“Yes, sir.”

The door opened. For a moment, Tony stared at the darkness behind, a pitch black abyss with mops and cleaning products used to be. His hesitation didn’t last long; Stark crossed the threshold and the shadows closed behind him like a black curtain.

That very moment, the alarm of the Compound went off with a loud scream.

***

Loki startled and the egg he was holding crashed on the kitchen floor.

“ _Goddamnit!_ ” he growled as the alarm tortured his ears “What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry” Stark’s disembodied servant replied from the speakers “We are experiencing a blackout. The whole Compound has been sealed. Please, wait patiently as we solve the problem.”

As to remark its words, Loki heard the kitchen door lock itself.

The god shrugged: “Oh well. Can I still cook?”

“There is no power to use the hot plates.”

Loki scoffed. A quick motion of his fingers was enough to ignite a green fire on the palm of his hand.

“I don’t need any hot plates.”

Nothing was going to ruin his breakfast. Nothing.

***

The darkness was so thick Tony could barely see his own hands.

“Oh well, could be worse” he said out loud, hoping the sound of his voice would give him courage, but the words echoed eerily in the void.

A chill ran down his spine and for a moment fear took control of him. What if he had been wrong? What if, instead of the right passage, he had triggered some security spell and now he was trapped in the shadows forever?

He managed to snap out before panic could cloud him completely.

“Now now Stark” this time he kept his voice low “That’s alright. Nothing to worry about. Just a bit of darkness. You’re too old to be afraid of darkness. There are no monsters here.”

Except his own, obviously.

Tony forced himself to take a step forward. It took way more effort than he thought, as if the shadows and the silence were pressing on him.

“Yup, you can do it” he kept whispering “Remember what Mary Poppins used to say in _The Sound of Music_? God, how can a musical about Switzerland last three hours?! No, wait, you’re mistaking Stark, it wasn’t Switzerland, it was Austria. Mary Poppins said singing can help when you’re afraid.”

He made another step.

“Songs. I know millions of songs. Let’s see… How did that go?”

This time it seemed a little bit easier.

“Uhm, _H_ _ello darkness my old friend-_ ” he stopped for a second "No. No no no. Definitely not this one."

His feet moved in a little dance.

" _Country Road, take me home,'_

_'To the place I belong'_

_'West Virginia, mountain momma'_

_'Take me home, Country Road_ "

Tony kept walking and humming. He couldn’t tell how long it passed, but just when he was about to turn back to the door, a tall shape began to emerge from the darkness. A smile of victory appeared on Stark’s lips.

“Finally!”

He almost ran now, blood pumping into his ears; yet, as he got closer, he realized something was off. That didn’t look a bit like Loki’s library. It seemed more like a - Tony squinted, trying to see better. A stele? Soon he found himself right at its feet. It was taller than him and they was something glowing on the surface; words carved in the stone.

Clueless, Tony read the text:

_I turn polar bears white and I will make you weep_

_I make men want to piss and women comb their hair_

_I make kings look like fools and fools look like kings_

_I turn your crops to bread and make your ale strong_

_If you squeeze me, I’ll die._

_If you look at me, you’ll die_

_Can you tell who I am?_

“Oh you gotta be kidding me” he groaned.

A _riddle?!_ Was he in a fucking Harry Potter movie? Stark stared at the shining letters, internally cursing Loki and his kindergarten attitude.

“Right” he sighed, resigned “I’m gonna need pen and paper.”

But when he turned back, a cold grasp of horror clasped his chest. Tony’s eyes widened. The door was gone. He felt panic surging. Around him, there was nothing but thick darkness. He was trapped.

“Fuck” Tony wheezed.

***

“We are experiencing a blackout. The whole Compound has been sealed. Please, wait patiently as we solve the problem.”

“Yeah yeah, take your time” Loki muttered absently, as he served himself a second portion of eggs and sausages.

The Asgardian eyed a pile of magazines abandoned in a corner. He wasn’t in a hurry.

***

“ _I’m gonna kill that little shit_ ” Tony thought, reading the riddle for the millionth time.

It made no sense. No sense whatsoever!

Alright, alright. No time to panic now. Actually someone could argue it was the perfect time to panic, but whatever. He had to think. What turned polar bears white and made people cry? Uhm, winter? Cold? But why should cold make women comb their hair? Maybe it was ‘fate’. Fate turned polar bears white, made people cry, made man want to piss and women comb, it made kings look like fools… No, too far stretched. It just didn’t work. What about ‘time’? Except - Tony groaned - you couldn’t squeeze time. Nor could it die.

_If you squeeze me, I’ll die._

_If you look at me, you’ll die_

_Can you tell who I am?_

If the first part of the riddle could still make sense, the ending took it out completely. But what if it didn’t have to? Tony scanned the words, searching for clues. Letters combinations, hidden patterns, numbers, anything that might have indicated a secret code.

Again, he had no choice but to give up.

Tony sat on the ground, holding the head in his hands and trying not to hyperventilate. How long had he been attempting to solve the riddle? It felt like hours. It could be just a few minutes. It was impossible to tell. Impossible, like the enigma.  

He gathered his strength and read it once again. Something that turned polar bears white and made you cry; something that made man pee and women comb their hair; something that made kings look like fools, fools like kings, that made grains grow and fermented beer. Something that could die if squeezed. And killed if looked upon. Could he tell what it was? No, _he could not!_

Frustrated he punched the stele. His blood stained the rock.

He could not tell what it was. The answer was impossible, unless it was something only an Asgardian could know - meaning he was screwed from the start - or unless…

And then it hit him.

Tony’s eyed lighted up as the thought settled in. Could it be simple as that? He stared at the last sentence. It made sense. Way too much sense not to try.

“No” Tony said out loud “I can’t tell who you are.”

For a moment time froze. He stared at the unchanged stone, afraid he had made a mistake and terrified of the consequences. After a heartbeat that felt like a lifetime, Tony heard a muffled _tud_. The words disappeared, leaving behind just smooth, bare stone, as if they had never existed. The stele turned on itself, opening like a door. At the other side, Stark saw the familiar light of a fire.

“... No way.”

‘No’? ‘No’ was the correct answer??

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.” Tony growled, crossing the threshold “Remind me to choke the life out of that little punk bitch when I get back.”

No one answered.

“F.R.I.?”

Silence. And in that moment Tony realized he truly was alone; alone and surrounded with magic.

***

“We are experiencing a blackout. The whole Compound-”

“I got it the first ten times, thank you!”

Sipping his coffee, Loki got back reading one of the magazines he found; it had a cramped cover and the compelling title of ‘Paranoia’.

“Now that’s total bullshit” the god commented aloud “I remember when we helped the Maya build the pyramids. There were no tractor beams and definitely no saucer-shaped vehicles!”

***

The room was exactly as Tony remembered, except the fire, no longer blazing but barely a pile of embers. Anyway, it was enough to light a candle. He found many scattered around and proceeded to light them all; soon they were shining like a crowd of will-o-wisps.

“Right” Stark said, stretching his back “Let’s get down to business.”

Tony picked a random shelf and started reading. He found books of every kind. Large scrolls that seemed to go on forever, small notebooks with pages the size of his palm; books bound in leather and bound in iron; alphabets he had never even imagined could existed, along with the familiar sight of Sanskrit and Ancient Greek. Tony concentrated on the languages he knew, searching for medicine, healing spells, potions, anything it could help him fix his heart.

He had already lost count of the books he had pulled off the shelves and discarded, when his eyes fell on the red tome. It was in a corner separated from the others, its pages shut by a heavy chain. Somehow, Stark found himself grasping it; it was like the book called him, inviting him to open its pages full of secrets. On the leather, in black letters, he read the title: ‘De Cruore et Carne’.

“ _About Blood and Flesh_ ” Tony translated, breathless. Seemed promising.

Tony sat on one of the armchairs, his hands trembling with excitement. Latin. He had never liked latin, but he was pleased to realize he could still understand it well enough. A simple gesture of his hand and the chain fell on his laps. Tony thumbed through the yellowing pages, covered in red ink. The writing was small, yet clear, and every now and then it was interrupted by drawings; most of them showed sections of human anatomy - Tony was surprised by how accurate the illustrations were, despite the book being centuries old - others represented magical circles and spells.

Finally, something caught his attention and forced him to stop. The name of the spell was _Anima Abrepta_. ‘Anima’ could be translated as ‘life’ or ‘vital energy’, Tony was quite sure of that, but the meaning of the second word was harder to remember. He knew it had something to do with ‘taken’, but not quite that. Uhm, ‘bought’? No, not that, yet similar. Could it be… ‘borrowed’?

“Borrowed Life” he savored the words on his tongue “That's it.”

According to the instruction, it would allow him to draw energy from an outside source - though it wasn’t clear which one - and use it to extent his own life. It took him a while, but eventually Tony managed to translate the procedure. He found a chalk and started drawing a magical circle on the floor, blood pounding fast in his ears.

He could do it, he could cheat death once again.

***

“Exactly, how long do these blackouts last?”

“Depends”

“On what?”

“On the circumstances.”

Loki rolled his eyes: “Never mind, forget I’ve asked you anything.”

***

Everything was ready. The circle was complete, Tony stood in the center. All he had to do now was whisper the words and he’d be saved. Would he? A painful lump of fear weighed on his stomach. What if he couldn’t make it work? What if his translation had been wrong?

“Well” he said, with a slight tremble in his voice “Only one way to find out.”

He closed his eyes, concentrating. His heart pounded so fast it seemed about to burst out of his chest. Stark’s lips moved quickly as he read the spell; the air around him vibrated with magic.

As he pronounced the last word, all the candles in the room went out at once.

***

It happened so quickly Loki barely realized it. A sting in the back of his neck, then - for a split of second - he felt his heart stop, but before he could wonder what the Hell was going on, the sensation vanished.

“I must be tired” he muttered, not very convinced.

But what else could it be? For a moment, it seemed like all his energies were drained and he had no idea of how to explain it.

***

Tony was breathing slowly in the dark, studying his body. He didn’t feel any different from before. Did it work?

He made a few steps, then his head spinned, forcing him on his knees and answering his question. No. It didn’t work. He was still weak and still dying. Magic was his last resource and if even that could not save him…

He felt tears pricking his eyes. His whole life he had never allowed himself to surrender; even ih his darkest moments he was able to find a way to raise up again. When his parents died, he held on to their legacy and he didn't drown. When he was a prisoner in Afganistan, he became Iron Man and survived. When his blood was poisoned, he worked until he found the antidote. Tony had beaten everything. Aliens, PTSD, even Ultron, who was his own creation, but it seemed he had eventually found an enemy stronger than he could ever be.

“It’s over.”

Death won. Tony curled on the floor, shaking. He had never felt so alone. He remained like this until his body got numb, until the salt of tears had dried his eyes. 

There, in the dark, he surrendered. 

***

“Power has been restored” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice came from the speakers “The doors will unlock now.”

Loki rolled his eyes: “About time!”

He grabbed the magazine, a last cup of coffee and stomped out of the kitchen. His head felt still a bit light; maybe he just needed a shower. A long, burning hot shower.

Loki was not far away from his room when he crashed into Stark.

“Hey, watch where you’re-”

Tony’s glare stopped him in the middle of the sentence.

“What?” Stark growled “Did you say something?”

He looked like he only needed the faintest excuse to punch the Asgardian in the face.

“Are you alright?” Loki heard himself asking.

“No, I’m not!” he roared back “But that’s none of your business. You shouldn’t even be here in the first place.”

Stark came closer, forcing Loki to take a step back.

“When Thor returns” Tony hissed “I hope it’s to throw you in the deepest abyss he can find. I assure you nothing could please me more.”

“Right” Loki replied, unimpressed; he knew exactly what was going on “Now do you feel better using me as a scapegoat for your rage?”

“As if you didn’t deserve it!”

A burning shiver of fury ran down his spine: “I know what I deserve, but you can’t blame your sickness on me.”

When Tony whitened, Loki knew he had hit a nerve; usually, it would have pleased him to hurt Stark, but not this time.

“Yes, that’s right” he continued “I know there’s something wrong with you. It’s clear as light.”

If looks could kill, Loki would have been dead on the floor: “You. Know. Nothing.”

“I recognize anger and fear when I see them” he replied, calmly.

After all, he had seen them on his own face for quite a while. In Tony’s eyes Loki could find the same rage on that cursed day when he discovered his true parentage.   

Stark pulled back and snorted: “What the hell do you want, Loki?”

“I’m asking if you need something.”

Loki couldn’t believe what he had just said.

And apparently neither did Stark: “What?”

“You heard me” the other replied “Can I help?”

Tony stared at him as if he had just said the sky was green and fish built campfires on the bottom of the ocean. Loki couldn’t blame him.

Stark shook his head: “You’ve done enough.”

He walked away, yet Loki thought it looked more like an escape. He watched Tony flee, wondering why he didn’t just kept his mouth shut.  

***

Tony dreamed that night. There was snow and cold. It was so cold. And he thought he was back in Siberia, but he was not sure. All he could see was ice. It was so cold. So cold he saw his bare hand turn blue.

He woke up screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony sings "The sound of silence" by Simon & Garfunkel and "Country Road" by John Denver.
> 
> "Paranoia" is an actual magazine of conspiracy and pseudoscience. It's quite an... *interesting* reading, as the title might suggest.


	4. What dreams may come

T’Challa thought he remembered a time when Wakanda was peaceful, when war was just a distant ghost and his life was happy, untroubled. As king, he began to understand that, if such time ever existed, it was only in his childhood memories. The threat had always been there, lurking, but he had never seen it because his father shielded him from it. Now T’Challa was the shield protecting the children of Wakanda and it was exhausting. 

“Why did you have to leave so soon, father?” he muttered, looking at a photograph on his desk. 

It was his favourite picture of them together. The sun, the lake, just him and his parents having a picnic on the shore, like any normal family; there were no crowns or titles in the picture, only smiles and love. 

The young king felt the cold hug of loneliness.

A hurried knock on the door brought him back to the present.

“Come in.”

An attendant entered his office, followed by an old woman with severe eyes.

“Your Majesty” the servant said “This is Chief Sanyu, she has come from the North to see you.”

T’Challa smiled: “I remember you, Chief Sanyu. We last met at the coronation. How are your sons?”

“They are well, your Majesty, thank you” she said, bowing.

“So” the king began, once the attendant was gone and Sanyu sat in front of him “How can I be of service, Chief?”

“My king” she told him “I am afraid I only bring ill news. As you may remember, my village lives off the vibranium mine underneath the mountain. It’s not one of the biggest in the country, but it has never left us to starve. Only lately, strange things started happening in the galleries.”

T’Challa frowned: “What things?”

“It started with blackouts” Sanyu explained “At first we thought it was an electrical problem, but all the cables were intact.”

“What about the power plant?”

She shook her head: “No faults whatsoever. After a few days, they stopped and we went back to work. That’s when people started to disappear.”

A cold chill ran down T’Challa’s spine.

“Entire teams of expert miners, vanished in thin air” Sanyu continued “The search parties found no traces of them.”

“Could it be smugglers? Maybe they found another way into the caves.”

“There is something down there, my king” she agreed “But it’s not smugglers.”

T’Challa remained silent for a moment, thoughtful. He already knew what to do. It would only do him good to step out of the palace for a few days.

***

Someone had been there. There was no way Loki could tell for sure - the supposed intruder had covered his tracks well - but when he entered his library, he instantly felt something had happened there. It was like a faint echo, or the ghost lines of a pencil sketch left when the artist tried to erase it. 

The room vibrated with magic. 

Loki checked every shelf, making sure nothing was missing from his collection. Some books had been moved. He found a piece of chalk abandoned on the floor. He had to sit down.

“Oh fuck” he muttered “Fuck.”

Stephen would kill him.

“Okay, okay” he rubbed the bridge of his nose “Calm down now, nothing is missing, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I forgot the chalk there. Yeah, must be so. Who could have come here anyway? No one knows about it apart from me and Stark. Yes. I’m just paranoid.”

Loki was far from convinced. 

Right. First thing’s first, he’d change the security spell, with something much more complicated this time. A labyrinth, maybe? He liked the idea. A gigantic, multilevels maze with death traps and maybe a bilgesnipe. It would take hours and hours of planning. 

Loki groaned. If only he could use his powers to break that blasted bracelet and escape. His latest efforts had been a complete failure. He didn’t just confirm he couldn’t damage it in any way, oh no; every time he tried to cast a spell upon it, the cuff grew heavier and his magical energy dwindled. The bloody thing was draining him of his powers. He scoffed. The more he tried to break free, the weaker he got. Odin had really designed the perfect trap.

He snapped his fingers and a chalice of mead appeared in his hand, out of thin air. Loki sipped it, realizing how tired he was. Adding to the power loss, he hadn’t been sleeping well in the past few days. He kept having the same nightmare over and over, it woke him up in the middle of the night and the very memory of it kept him from falling asleep again. 

It always began in the same way: he was falling through the worlds, in the black hole created by the destroyed Bifröst. Loki felt the void embrace him, the air escape from his lungs; he thought he would die, but he never did. He hit the water. That was when the dream changed, when he tried to reach the surface and someone forced his head down again and again. He coughed and spat and struggled, but they were too many. And then he found himself in the cave. Cold, dark, it smelled of mold and burned metal. Loki was trapped underneath the ground. He couldn’t escape. The cave would be his tomb, forever.

Usually, it was at that moment that he woke up. He had no idea of where the dream might come from, nor why it kept playing inside his head every night. He had tried everything, even a slumber potion, but there was no use. It always came back.

The dream was actually the reason why he was in his library in the first place. The cave felt weirdly like a memory, even if he had never been prisoner in a cavern his whole life. He had started to think it could be a vision from his future and there was only one way to discover if he was right. Loki glanced at the deck of tarots he had piled on the floor. He hadn’t used them in a long time and he would wait a while longer. 

Loki emptied the glass with a single sip. For now, he decided, he was going back to his room, grab pen and paper and start planning the labyrinth. Yet even then - Loki nervously chewed his lip - there was no guarantee his secrets would be safe, not on Earth. He needed to go home. But how?

Loki opened the door back to the Compound. A deafening, pumping noise ran over him, making the Asgardian jump in horror. Frantically, he looked around, trying to understand the source of such monstrosity. Soon he realized the rhythmic sound did not come from the speakers, but from the outside of his apartment.

He grunted. Concentration would be impossible with that thing ransaking his ears. Loki stormed out, chasing the sound down the stairs as it grew more loud and vexing. What on Yggdrasil was that? 

Eventually he found the source when he stomped into the hangar. Loki’s eyes widened, incredulous. Where just yesterday cars and airplanes were parked, someone had created a pit full of what seemed colored balls; a hundred young women in succinct clothes bathed in it, screaming, laughing, drinking from glasses or straight from bottles, moving rhythmically with that cacophony. In the center of it all, was Tony Stark.

“Lokes!” the billionaire called with a huge drunk smile when he noticed the Asgardian.

Loki was too shocked to notice the nickname. 

“Stark, what the Hell is this?” he screeched “I’m trying to work!”

“Nonsense!” Tony said, leaning an arm around Loki’s shoulders and dragging him to the ballpit “It’s just a bit of music.”

Humans dared call  _ that _ music?

“Can’t you turn it down a bit?” Loki protested.

“Absolutely... Not” Stark shove down his throat a glass of liquor and quickly grabbed a new bottle from the hands of an almost naked girl.

The Asgardian broke free of the other’s embrace: “I demand you stop this horror  _ now! _ ”

“You know what your problem is, Lokes?” Tony said instead “You don’t know how to have fun.”

Loki felt an irresistible urge to kill: “I don’t care! You stop it, or I’ll-”

“You’ll what?” Stark laughed.

“I’m not joking!”

Tony came dangerously close, staring at him right in the eye. His lips curved in a loopsided, naughty grin: “I thought you were the god of tricks.”

For once in his life, Loki couldn’t come up with a snarky response. He didn’t have the time. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak, Tony voided the distance between them and kissed him. Loki froze on the spot. Yes, there was no mistake. Stark was kissing him. He could feel the taste of booze on his tongue. The Asgardian was paralyzed like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Now now” Tony said, pulling back “You, my dear, need a drink! What’s your poison? You like whiskey? Vodka?”

Loki just stared back, speechless.

The other patted his shoulder: “Vodka it is. Girls, get him to the bar!”

Loki didn’t even try to resist when a group of giggling women grabbed him. The more his brain tried to work out what had just happened, the more it jammed. Maybe Stark was right. Maybe he needed a drink. Maybe more than one.

***

Bucky loved the greenhouse. He would spent hours and hours just sitting on the grass, breathing. For decades, all his hand had touched was steel and leather, but now he could feel the Earth alive under his toes, tickling him. He could not remember the last time he felt such peace surrounding him.

A small green parrot landed on his shoulder and Bucky couldn’t hold back a smile. After weeks of patience, the animal finally trusted him. 

“You look well, Mr Barnes.”

Startled by the voice, the bird flew away, but Bucky didn’t mind. The owner of said voice was always more than welcome.

“Thank you, your Majesty” the former assassin said, smiling at T’Challa “You? Not so much.”

“Uff” he tried to chuckle, but it was clear something worried him “I had a busy day at work. How’s the new arm doing?”

Bucky stretched the metal limb in response: “I’m getting used to it. Stark did an amazing job.”

Wakandan technology could have repaired Bucky in no time, but Tony Stark had insisted - or so Steve told him when he woke up - to personally build him an arm. The steel was opaque, the design simple, almost anonymous; there were no symbols on it, not even the logo of Stark Industries. Bucky liked it. It reminded him of a clean slate, a piece of metal not yet refined. He was free to choose whatever symbol he wanted to wear, whatever form he would take.

“Were you looking for Steve?” Barnes asked “I think he and Wanda are training somewhere.”

T’Challa hesitated, as if he was suddenly struck by an idea.

“Actually” the king said “How would you like a field trip?”

“A field trip?” Bucky asked, surprised.

“Yes.”

“With me?”

“Yes.”

Bucky shook his head, thoughtfully: “I don’t know, I… Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“How many fallbacks have you had in the past month?”

“None but I-” 

How could he explain T’Challa that his demons were not gone? He could still feel them, pressing on the border of his thoughts, lurking, waiting for his guard to drop to come back. He was grateful for the trust the king put in him, but he didn’t deserve it. Not yet.

“I’m not sure it’s safe” he muttered “I don’t want to hurt anybody.”

“Look” T’Challa said, staring right in his eyes “Whatever happens, I can handle you. Don’t at least want to know what this is about?”

“Okay” Bucky accomodated him “What is it about?”

“Monster hunting.”

Barnes raised an eyebrow: “Monster hunting?”

T’Challa nodded.

“Maybe Wanda would appreciate more.”

“Wanda hasn’t confined herself into this greenhouse.”

Bucky was impressed by the king’s insistence, even if he struggled to understand it.

“Why are you doing this?” he couldn’t help asking.

T’Challa shrugged: “I tried to kill you multiple times and accused you of something you didn’t commit. I’d like to make it up to you.”

“By getting yourself in danger?”

“By helping you get out of the shadows” the king offered him his hand to to help him stand “What do you say?”

Bucky stared at the hand, then T’Challa. Eventually, he smiled.

***

It took Loki’s brain three rounds of shots to start working again. And start wondering how much Stark had had to drink to kiss him. And why he didn’t find it so bad after all. He drank another shot of vodka. He couldn’t believe what he had just thought.

Tony chose that very moment to slap him on the back: “Are you having fun now, Lokes?” 

Loki almost choked.

“There there” Stark said, handing him a napkin “Take it easy, Lokes.”

“Stop calling me that!” he growled, grabbing it.

“Nah. It suits you.”

“Who are these women anyway?”

Tony laughed jovially: “I have no idea.”

The alcohol made his eyes shine like water at the bottom of a well, black and daring Loki to dive in. Tony was surrounded by people, yet he was lonely. How did Loki know that? Maybe, he thought, it was because he had been in the very same situation for most of his life. Dangerous. He was empathizing too much with Stark, it could put his whole escape at risk. But then again…

An idea formed in his brain. Oh, that was clever. That was perfect!

“You know” Loki said; now it was his turn to come too close “None of them really cares about you.”

Tony’s smile froze. The Asgardian took advantage of his surprise and grabbed the bottle from his hands. He took a long sip, but not for one second he glanced away from Tony.

“What I don’t understand” he continued, softly “Is why you want to spend your precious time with them.”

“Because I’m having fun, Lokes” Stark replied.

“Are you?” he insisted “Or are you just pretending?”

Something changed in Tony’s eyes and Loki trembled, excited: he had his attention. Now, if he could just work out a way to get close to him, to get Stark’s guard down, he might just have a better chance of getting out of that wretched planet. 

Tony was lonely. He needed a true friend. Why shouldn’t it be Loki? Stark was in such a low state that, with some careful work, he might even persuade him to steal the Infinity Stone from Vision’s head. Since he couldn’t get rid of the bracelet on his own, it only made sense to have his jailer free him instead. All he had to do was convince him. And he could be  _ extremely  _ convincing. 

Loki started playing with Tony’s loose tie.

“Come on, Stark” he said with a smirk “Can’t you really think of a better way to pass the evening?”

Tony stared back in silence for what seemed like an eternity. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.” he said, eventually “Cut the music.”

Loki grinned as that horrible noise died out, followed by a chorus of disappointment from Tony’s guests. He couldn’t believe it worked.

“Sorry girls” Tony announced, with a not-so-sorry shrug “Party’s over. That’s the door. Chop chop!”

With muffled protesting, the crowd of ladies walked out. Only when the hangar doors had closed for good, Tony turned back to the Asgardian, scanning Loki as he walked around him to get to the bar. Their eyes never lost contact.

“Dummy” Stark told the mechanical arm behind the counter “Pour two shots, will you?”

Loki watched, a satisfied grin on his lips. 

Tony handed him a glass: “And now, your Highness, tell me what you had in mind.”

***

It was almost dinner time when Steve and Wanda returned to the palace. They found Sam and Clint playing Wii in the living room.

“Look what the cat dragged in!” Sam said when he saw them.

“If you’re trying to distract me, it won’t work, Wilson.”

“Seems you kids are having fun” Wanda laughed, flopping down on the couch between them.

“Hey folks” Scott emerged from his room, an half-eaten apple in his hand “How was town?”

The girl smiled: “It was nice, I found all the spices I was looking for. You guys should go out too sometime.”

“Not until I beat his record I won’t” Sam grumbled.

“Hey Cap, are you alright?”

Everyone turned to look at Steve; the Captain’s expression was slowly passing from perplexion to concern to panic.

“... Has anyone seen Bucky?” he wheezed. 

***

“I hate you” Tony managed to say, between the laughs “But you were right.”

Loki chuckled: “I’m sorry, can you say that again?”

“Never.”

Stark poured two more glasses and raised his for a toast.

“So what is this one for?” he asked.

The Asgardian reflected for a second: “To pleasure” he said at last “What’s life without it?”

Tony nodded: “Couldn’t agree more. To pleasure!”

Their glasses clinked together. The plan was working better than Loki could ever have hoped for; Tony was relaxed, chatty and completely at his mercy. The Asgardian only wished he could enjoy that sense of power but, truth be told, he couldn’t. There was no satisfaction in getting advantage of Stark; instead, he was almost  _ guilty _ about it. Maybe because Tony’s loneliness reminded him of his own? Loki angrily pushed that thought away. What was that about?  _ Guilt? _ For Stark? Never.

“What’s happening to you, Stark?” he asked, getting on with the plan.

Tony didn’t answer right away; he just stared into the empty glass for a few seconds before saying: “I think you already know.”

“I know” Loki replied, measuring every word “Only what Barton told me about you.”

Tony made a little sniff: “The Palladium poisoning?”

Loki nodded: “Yes, he told me that.”

“Then you have your answer” Stark’s chuckle was bitter “I’m dying.”

Suddenly the hangar seemed bigger and colder, the silence surrounding them heavier. Loki realized… He was sad. No. No! It was not sadness, he tried to convince himself, it was disgust. Disgust at a beaten enemy. Because Stark was just that, an enemy. Luckily, he was a really good liar.

“Funny” Tony said, vaguely “That’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.”

“How long?” Loki heard himself ask.

The other shrugged: “Who knows? Next week? Tomorrow? An hour from now?”

An alarming voice inside Loki warned him: he was getting too close. He was letting his emotions get involved and that was dangerous. Did he want to escape or not? 

“So” Stark stood up, getting closer to him “Until then, I’m gonna take every opportunity.”

“To do what?” Loki asked.

Tony smiled: “Anything I want.”

He leaned over and their lips met again, delicately at first, but each movement brought more eagerness. Loki stirred when he realized he was kissing Stark back. It was part of the plan, he reminded himself as he ran his fingers through the other’s hair; just part of the plan. He was not enjoying it. Then Stark pressed their bodies together and suddenly the lie Loki kept telling himself fell, like an house of cards. He  _ was _ enjoying it.

This was bad, Loki though between the kisses; he was completely losing his focus. It seemed like the whole world was reduced to Stark’s fingers and the burning trays they left behind. Loki couldn’t remember the last time someone made him feel so warm. He could have melted, right in Stark’s arms, any moment now.

_ No. _ This was not how it was supposed to be. He had a plan. What was the plan? He forgot.

A few words escaped from his lips: “What am I doing?”

“No idea, but don’t stop” Tony replied, his hand now reaching for Loki’s hips.

With horror, the Asgardian realized he was but a touch away to lose himself. He was fighting against a tide too strong for him; it would have been so easy, he thought, to surrender and let it flow. And why not? Was freedom really worth it? Maybe not as much as he believed. 

Suddenly, Loki snapped out of it. He grasped Tony’s hand, immobilizing him.

“No” he snarled, out of breath “I can’t do it.”

He wriggled free from Stark’s arms, pushing him away. Tony just stared back, confused. And hurt. Loki couldn’t care less. He wouldn’t believe it; he almost fell into his own trap. How did it happen? Rage burned in his chest. How could he let himself lose control like that? Failure. His whole plan was a  _ failure _ .

“What’s wrong?” Tony asked, trying to touch him.

Blind with fury, Loki grabbed him by the throat.

“Don’t you ever come near me again” he growled, watching as Stark gasped for air.

Just before he passed out, Loki let him go. Stark fell on his knees, coughing, and the Asgardian forced himself to stare at him with disgust. He walked away. He was done.

“You’re cold, you know” Tony’s voice stopped him.

Loki was just about to explode: “What’s that?”

“I don’t like cold” he explained, trying to get up from the floor “Siberia was cold, I dream that every night. So cold I see my hands turn blue.”

The Asgardian felt his whole body freeze. 

“What did you just say?” He asked, his head dizzying.

Stark coughed: “My skin, it turns blue. Did it happen in Siberia? I can’t remember. It feels like a memory, tough. Just like a memory. Why did he have to betray me?”

“Who- who are you talking about?” 

“Rogers” the other muttered, almost talking to himself “He was my friend, and he betrayed me. He left me there, he’s the reason I’m dying.”

“You said your skin turns blue?”

“In the dream. It does in the dream. And it’s so cold…”

A shiver ran down Loki’s spine. That couldn’t be. He tried to convince himself it was merely a coincidence, but he  _ knew _ \- something inside him knew it wasn’t. But how was that possible?

Terrified, with a feeling of sickness invading his stomach, Loki ran away. He fled the hangar, Stark and his kisses. Something was wrong, he had denied that long enough. It was time he faced the truth.


	5. Tarots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long this time, I started uni and I had a couple of things to take care of ;) thank you all for your patience <3

Loki had been staring at the tarots piled up in front of him for at least one hour, trying to find the courage to begin the reading. He had to know and, at the same time, he was afraid of knowing.

He snorted and sank back in the armchair. Stark said his skin turned blue in a dream. Loki had had weird dreams as well, dreams that - how did Tony put it? - felt like a memory, but they were not. Someone had broken into his library. They couldn’t be all coincidences. There was a pattern, he could feel it in his guts, but he couldn’t see it yet.

He needed answers, nasty as they might be.

“Come on” he muttered, touching the first card with the tip of his fingers.

With a swift movement, Loki spread the deck in an arch. Then he closed his eyes, concentrating on himself; it was always more difficult to read his own future than someone else’s.

Always so perceptive about everyone but himself.

Loki pushed the pain away and let the magic guide his hand to the first card. He placed it aside, face down. Then he took a second and a third arcana from the deck. He took a deep breath. No turning back now.

Loki revealed the tarots, one after the other. The cold grasp of fear closed his throat. No. It couldn’t be. Loki feverishly shuffled the deck and tried the reading, again and again, hoping he had made a mistake, but the answer was always the same, inescapable one.

Loki stood up so rapidly the armchair toppled backward, crashing on the stone floor.

“ _No!_ ”

He had to get out of that planet. He had to warn them, there was not a second to lose. Loki didn’t care about the consequences. He had to escape, whatever means necessaries.

***

The aspirin’s frizzle sounded more like an airplane taking off. Tony rubbed his temples, but nothing seemed to hold off that blasted migraine.

“Fuuuuuuuuck” he groaned to no one in particular.

“I believe it’s called ‘hangover’, sir.”

He made a mental note to lower F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s sarcasm levels. Tony only wished the booze had taken away every memory of the night before. He drank the aspirin and washed the taste down with a sip of Scotch.

Tony couldn’t remember the last time he had had something fresh to eat or drunk plain water. Very good. If he managed to carry on like this, he might just be able to kill himself before his heart could do it for him. What would Pepper say, if she saw him like this? And Rhodey? And Steve? Tony snorted. That was exactly the reason why he had to stay away from them; he couldn’t bare to see pain in their eyes.

He had begun to understand why dogs seek out a place to hide when they’re ready to die.

“Sir” the A.I. reminded him “You haven’t taken your medicines yet.”

Tony glanced at the crowd of orange bottles on the shelf.

He shrugged and got up: “Might as well.”

Just as he was examining the pills, trying to decide which to swallow first, the kitchen door opened and Loki marched in. Tony had barely the time to wonder what the hell was going on before the god was in his face.

“Sleep” whispered Loki in his ear.

Suddenly, the world blurred. Tony did his best to keep his eyes open, but there was no fighting it. He felt his body collapse, and strong arms cradling him. F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice, faint and distorted, in the background.

“It’s alright” Loki said, caressing his neck “Sleep…”

Tony surrendered himself to the darkness.

***

It was the low rumble of an engine that woke him. His eyes still closed, Tony had to make an effort to remember. Who was he? Anthony Stark, forty-seven years old, sick. What happened? He was having breakfast, or sort of. Someone put him to sleep. Where the hell was he now?

Tony’s sight blurred as he adjusted to the light, grey and violent rays leaking from the window; his head pounded. With a groan, he tried to move, but something on his chest held him back. A seatbelt. Not just any seatbelt, he realized instantly, the seatbelt of his beloved Audi R8. And he was on the passenger side.

In a matter of an instant, Tony was completely awake. He turned to see the driver and a feeling of nausea clutched his stomach.

“Welcome back” Loki grinned, eyes fixed on the road “Did you sleep well?”

“Stop the car.”

“Now I need you to remain calm-”

“STOP THE DAMN CAR.”

With an annoyed snort, the Asgardian pulled up on the side of the road. Tony rushed out of the vehicle even before it was completely still, gasping for air. He glanced around, trying to spot a house or another car, any sign of help, but all he could see were grassy hills, spreading like a green sea till the horizon. Tony felt dizzy and sick and just a breath away from a panic attack. They were right in the middle of nowhere.

“Are you done?” Loki asked him, impatient.

“You” Tony wheezed “You kidnapped me.”

The other nodded: “Very perceptive.”

“How did you get past Vision?”

“You passed out” Loki explained, plainly “I told him I was bringing you to the hospital.”

“And he believed you?”

Loki shrugged. Of course he believe him, Tony himself told him the Asgardian was not an enemy.  

“I’m gonna kill him” Tony muttered between his teeth.

“Believe me” Loki continued “I would have gladly left you behind.”

His legs could not support him anymore, so Tony sat on the dusty ground, back against the car, and tried to keep panic at bay. Just like Rhodey taught him. Deep breaths, filling his whole chest with air. In from the nose, out from the mouth. That’s it. He had to keep his cool; if Loki hadn’t killed him yet, maybe he needed something from Tony. As long as he was alive, he could hope to save himself.

Yes, but he was dying anyway, wasn’t he? He buried the last thought deep.

“I’ll need you to disable any trackers you have on this vehicle” Loki said, towering on him.

Tony chuckled: “Not bloody likely.”

That seemed to enrage the Asgardian.

“Just take them off” he hissed.

Tony stared him dead in the eye: “Or else?”

In response to it, Loki drew a gun from the pocket of his jacket and pointed it at Tony’s head. Stark looked down the dark muzzle, more surprised than scared.

“For real?” he couldn’t help asking.

“Quite” Loki hissed.

“Still, no.”

“I’m asking nicely” the Asgardian said, tightening the grip on the hilt “Would you prefer me to shoot?”

He was not bluffing, Tony realized.

“Whatever” he shrugged “Shoot me.”

Loki hesitated, taken aback.

Yeah, why not - Tony made a little sneeze - a bullet now or a cardiac arrest later. At least this way his death would have meant something. Rock of Ages couldn’t run very far with the trackers active, they both knew that. Thor would be proud of him. Steve would think that he was doing the right thing, that he was being brave and selfless. For once.

“Come on” Tony said “Do what you have to.”

But instead, Loki lowered the gun and knelt next to him.

“If you collaborate, I can help you” the Asgardian said after a long pause “I might find a way to save your life.”

Tony stiffed. For a few, terrible seconds he actually considered the offer.

“A deal with the Devil? Nah” he shook his head “I made a promise to your brother. I intend to keep it.”

“ _All I’m doing is for my brother and for Asgard!_ ” Loki roared, getting back on his feet.

The Argardian scratched his head, probably trying to get a hold of his anger. Tony watched in silence, interested. Last he remembered, Loki hadn’t exactly his brother’s well being at heart. Or did he? Stark thought about it for a second and realized, amazed, that he knew almost nothing about Loki, except for a few, vague references from Thor. Could it be that the man he thought he understood for years was actually a different person?

“I don’t expect you to understand” Loki said, eventually.

No, but Tony suddenly wanted to.

He shrugged: “Try me.”

Loki stared at him, like a wild wolf, struggling to decide whether to trust the human or bite and run back in the woods, to safety. Measuring every movement, he sat down next to Stark.

“Asgard is in danger” Loki confessed, eventually “There is an evil force approaching. The last time it happened I was a prisoner, just like now, and I could do nothing when…”

His voice sounded on the edge of breaking.

“When they killed my mother.”

Something twisted inside Tony when he recognized his same pain in Loki’s eyes.

“I can’t let it happen again” the other continued “Thor doesn’t know what’s coming. Asgard will burn to the ground if I stay here, I _have_ to warn them.”

Tony hesitated: “I thought you hated Asgard and Thor.”

Loki’s smirk was bitter: “I did. I was angry. I felt betrayed.” he turned to stare right in Stark’s eye “But Thor is my family and Asgard is my home, and... I miss them. Look, I know you don’t trust me, you have every reason to, but I need to do this. And if afterwards they send me back to Earth, I’ll lock myself in my room and pretend I don’t exist. And if they kill me on sight instead… Well. I won’t be able to bother you from the grave, right? But you would be there too, and you could tell them what I am telling you now. At least, I’d know they were safe.”

And Tony knew - he just knew it - that Loki was telling the truth. That, crazy as it may seem, he could trust him. For the first time Tony was able to see past the villain, past the Trickster, and get a glimpse of the real Loki. And what he saw was regret, pain, loneliness and a desperate wish to move away from the past.

Tony understood. Because he had been just the same, not long before, in those strange months when the Merchant of Death died and Iron Man was born.

Empathizing with Loki. What a weird feeling.

Stark stood up and opened the car’s door, reaching for the console.

“What are you doing?” Loki asked, indifferent.

“Disabling the tracking program” Tony explained, fiddling with the controls.

“Come again?”

“Yeah” Stark said “Turns out, I believe you.”

“Are- are you sure?” Loki stammered, incredulous.

No, it was actually a really stupid idea, but he wasn’t turning back now.

“You’ll have to drive” Tony answered instead “I’ve still got an hangover.”

Stark wasn’t completely sure of why he had decided to help Loki, only that experience had taught him to trust his guts, rather than think too much. And now, his instinct was being quite clear: he was apparently meant to go on a road trip with the God of Mischief himself.

***

“I never thought I’d go on a road trip with a king” Bucky said, as T’Challa’s car climbed the dusty trail.

The other laughed: “How do you like it so far?”

Barnes glanced at the jungle around them: “I love it.”

“Enjoy the view while you can” T’Challa suggested “There won’t be much of that where we’re going.”

The mountain loomed above them like a sleeping giant; a veil of clouds surrounded the top, dark and full of rain in the faint light of sunset. Night would fall soon.

When they reached the miners’ camp, Bucky thought the place was abandoned; all the windows were shut, no light leaked from the blinders and the silence that surrounded the place was so unnatural and absolute it gave him the chills. Barnes followed T’Challa among the building, a sense of dread growing inside him. All the pleasure of the trip was suddenly gone.

“Where are the miners?” Bucky whispered, almost afraid to break the silence.

T’Challa shook his head: “They are home, safe, until we understand what’s going on.”

“We’re on our own?”

“Yes” T’Challa said “You’re not afraid of the dark, are you?”

It was not the dark that unsettled Bucky, but rather what could lurke inside it.

***

“So” Tony began, shortly after they hit the road again “Where are we going?”

Loki hesitated, still not entirely convinced he could trust Stark: “I know a place of power.”

“Oh. Meaning?”

“Uhm, a sacred place” he explained “There are many, scattered on the Worlds, where the branches of Yggdrasil are so close they almost touch each other. Sometimes, they can be used to open portals.”

“Portals” Tony muttered “Nice. Why didn’t you use that for your army, instead of stealing the Tesseract?”

“Because these portals are extremely unpredictable; they appear and disappear, they are unstable and chances are you might find yourself in the void between the Worlds, rather than where you wanted to go.”

“And you intend to _use it_?”

“Yes.”

“You’re more nuts than I thought” Tony said, bluntly.

Loki chuckled, nervously. There was something he wanted to ask the billionaire, but he was afraid to do it. Oh well, he thought, better to rip the band-aid off once and for all.

“Listen, uhm-” Loki began, hesitant “About last night.”

He saw Stark stiffen: “Yes?”

“What do you remember?”

“More than enough” Tony said, after a long pause.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

An awkward silence flooded the car.

“In my defence” Tony grumbled “I was depressed. And very drunk. And you encouraged me.”

“I know” Loki muttered.

“It won’t happen again.”

“Obviously. I didn’t mean it to go this way.”

“Oh so you meant it.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“I had more vodka than blood in my veins, what’s your excuse for flirting with the enemy?”

“I meant to get close to you and convince you to help me escape” Loki admitted, after a few seconds “There, happy?”

“So you wanted to use me.”

“Yes.”

“You’re a bastard, you know that?”

“I do my best.”

Tony paused: “Only one thing bugs me.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“Why did you stop?” he asked “If that was all part of your evil plan, why didn’t you go all the way? Why not finish the job?”

Loki didn’t answer.

“Whatever” Stark adjusted himself on the carseat “Did you bring snacks?”

“In the back.”

As Tony leaned behind his seat, looking for food, Loki did his best to focus on the road and the road alone. Sadly, it turned out to be harder than he thought; the strip of asphalt ran smoothly through the grass, never changing one bit. It almost felt like they weren’t moving, but forever stuck in a loop. This way, Loki’s mind was free to languish on every dangerous thought. The memory of Tony’s kisses, for instance.

“Oh fuck!”

“What?” Loki asked, alarmed.

Tony sank back in his seat with a tired groan: “My pills. The prescription, I’m- I’m supposed to take it. Dr Barrow is gonna kill me.”

Loki couldn’t hold back a smile: “Look in the glove compartment.”

Baffled, Tony opened the little box and extracted a familiar orange plastic bottle. Stark stared at the prescription in his hand as if it could vanish any instant. Loki felt weirdly proud of himself.

“You remembered my pills?” Tony asked, in disbelief.

“Don’t fool yourself” Loki lied “I did it just to support the hospital excuse with Vision.”

Tony held the bottle tighter: “Thank you” he muttered, almost embarrassed.

The Asgardian could do nothing to snuff out the warm feeling growing in his chest.

“You’re welcome.”

***

If there was an entrance to the realm of the dead on Earth then - Bucky thought - he was looking straight at it. The cave cut the mountain side like a wound, bleeding darkness. Two rows of tracks, probably used for the mining carts, disappeared inside, as if the ground was swallowing them.

“We won’t get lost if we follow them” T’Challa told him, adjusting the Black Panther’s helmet on his head “Stay close to me, Mr Barnes.”

Bucky nodded: “Don’t worry, I have no intention to wander off.”

They hesitated for a second, savoring the last breaths of fresh air.

T’Challa made the first step: “Let’s go.”


	6. Sweetgrass Hills

“Yes” declared Bucky after a long silence “This is blood. Someone was dragged away, see the traces they left here?”

T’Challa followed the red stripes with his torch, a shiver running down his spine.

“They go down the secondary galleries.”

The air was warm and humid, almost suffocating. No rails. He cursed mentally.

“If we follow them” T’Challa muttered, almost talking to himself “We might not find the way back.”

Bucky scoffed: “I feel a ‘but’ coming.”

“But I can’t turn back until I find out what’s going on” he looked at Barnes dead in the eye “You’re not forced to come. I’ll understand if you want to wait for me here.”

Barnes chuckled: “You really think I’d leave all the fun to you, your majesty?”

T’Challa smiled. That’s what he hoped for.

His heart was pounding when they squeezed in the gallery. After hours of research, they were finally close to solving the mystery. He couldn’t wait to see the sunlight again. Since they entered the mines, T’Challa had the feeling something was watching them, following their every step, just waiting for the perfect moment.

The tunnel was sloping, its walls dripping water. The silence was so complete T’Challa was almost afraid to break it with his breath. But he thought about his father, of how proud he would have been to see him protecting their people, and he went on, shining the way down with his torch.

“What’s that smell?” Bucky whispered behind him.

T’Challa snorted as the stink hit his nose; it felt like an oily, rotting hand reaching for his face. It’s first instinct told him ‘carcass’, but there was more to that, something underneath which made him shiver.

“I think we’re getting closer” the king replied.

The tunnel got narrower, forcing them to slither through the rocks. If something had attacked them then, T’Challa thought, they wouldn’t have been able to defend themselves.

Suddenly, he was sure he could see a light, nor much ahead. The king raised a hand, signalling his companion to stop and switch his torch off. Bucky was quickly to respond. In complete silence, the two man slipped towards the end of the tunnel. Soon the rocks opened up and T’Challa could see a bigger cave spreading in front of them; that was where the light came from. There the smell was so pungent it made his eyes watery.

T’Challa was not wrong, he thought, a wave of nausea closing his stomach. It was the stink of rotting flesh, coming from a pile or chewed down bones. He swallowed, recognizing human remains among those of other animals, but he hadn’t much time to stare at the grim stack; Bucky tapped his shoulder and pointed him to the center of the cave. T’Challa followed his finger. He felt every muscle tense.

“What are _those?_ ”

The creatures had two legs, two arms, a head, but there ended any resemblance they had with humans. In the faint light, coming from a hole on the cave roof, they skin looked grey and slimy. The worst, however, was their face; a disgusting mixture between a skull and a reptile, with small eyes and point teeth. Four of the creatures leaned against the rock walls, unmoving. They all seemed to face something on the opposite side, a pair of sharp stones forming a hollow triangle. T’Challa couldn't help thinking it looked strangely like a door. But to what?

“Do you think they’re sleeping?” Bucky whispered.

The king shook his head: “I think they are dead.”

Yes, he decided, their bodies were far too still to be alive. But then again, they were not humans, so he couldn’t be completely sure.

“I’ll take a closer look” T’Challa said.

“No” Barnes stopped him “I’m going.”

“What? Why?”

Bucky gave him a skeptical glance: “Because we both know who’s expendable.”

Before T’Challa could reply, Barnes was already crawling ahead, swift and quiet like a shadow. The Wakandan watched with his heart racing as the former assassin approached the creatures.

He was able to breathe again only when Bucky gestured him to come closer without fear.

“Dead” Barnes said, as they examined the corpses together.

T’Challa was baffled: “What do you think killed them?”

Bucky scoffed: “Not starvation, I presume.”

The king shuddered.

“I can’t see any wounds” the other continued “It would seem like they just… die. Right where they stood.”

Bucky paused, then turned to the triangular rocks.

“What does it look like to you?” Barnes asked.

“Uhm, stones?” T’Challa replied, playing confused.

Bucky glared: “You know what I’m talking about.”

“A door” the king admitted “Why?”

“It’s just,” he hesitated “This reminds me of something Steve told me about.”

Somehow, T’Challa already imagined what that ‘something’ was and just as he feared Bucky looked him in the eye and asked: “Do you remember the Battle of New York?”

***

They drove for hours, following the sun on its journey to the night. The landscape slowly changed under Tony’s eyes, from fields to meadows to grassy hills. The wind blowing made them look like a infinite green ocean.

The symptoms had started soon. It began with a pounding migraine, as if someone was squeezing his head in a press. The pain ran, ruthless, down his neck, to the tip of his toes, until Tony’s body ached all over. Shivers came next. He knew what was happening to him, but he would have never allowed Loki to see how in pain he was.

Stark bit his tongue and tried to concentrate on the landscape outside his window. They were alone on the road; Loki was keeping them off the highway.

“Are we there yet?” Tony asked.

According to the car’s clock, it was 5 p.m. in New York. Almost nine hours had passed since Tony had last drunk something other than water.

“No,” Loki replied, absently “We’ll get there tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow??”

“Worry not. When the sun sets, we can rest.”

Tony groaned. He didn’t know how much longer he could hide the signs of withdrawal.

As Loki promised, as soon as the sky was purple he pulled over, stopping in a empty clearing on the side of the road. They ate some sandwiches for dinner, in complete silence. Tony only managed to swallow a bite or two and not without nausea clutching his throat.

He would have done anything for a sip of alcohol. Not much. Just for relief. For an instant, he even considered asking Loki to conjure a glass of brandy, before pride got the best of him. He preferred to suffer in silence, rather than begging the Asgardian for help. God, the shivers were getting worse. Tony tugged the jacket closer to his chest, trying to keep the warmth in. It was summer, a gentle breeze moved the grass, but Stark trembled like it was winter.

Like when Steve left him in Siberia, alone.

He shut his eyes, fighting the urge to scream for the past and the present pain.  

“We drive at dawn” Loki was saying in the meantime, pulling a pair of inflatable mattresses and covers from the truck.

“You planned this well” Tony scoffed, eyeing them.

The other shrugged: “I had weeks to think about it.”

“Even the part where you kidnap me?”

“Not if I had managed to break this thing first,” Loki replied, showing the bracelet at his wrist “Cutting off your hand was another option.”

“... Glad you ruled that one out.”

Half an hour after, Loki’s breath had quieted down. Tony, instead, still stared at the night sky, unable to get the cold out of his body. It was so cold. Shaking, he examined his hands. Would they turn blue? It was hard to tell with just the stars to help him see.

Hours passed and still Tony could not fall asleep. In pain, his mind kept drifting to Siberia. He relieved his fight with Steve and Barnes over and over, hoping this time the ending would be different, that Steve would choose him or at least help him to safety. But he always found himself alone. _Abandoned._

If only Steve had turned back, he thought, he wouldn’t be dying now. Why did he leave him?

“It’s all his fault” a voice whispered inside his head “He’s the reason you’re dying.”

“N-no.”

The voice chuckled: “You know he is, why deny it? That self-righteous bastard had no hesitation, he knew you could die, but he didn’t care.”

“Stop it.”

Tony got on his feet, the world spinning around him. He needed to walk, he needed to keep his head clear. It hurt. Staggering, Tony’s feet brought him away from the road, towards the hills, but the voice followed him.

“He couldn’t care less.”

“Liar,” Tony roared to the night “Steve is my friend.”

“Friend?” the voice’s laugh was a thunder in his head “He is not your friend, Tony. You don’t have friends. And why should anyone want to be close to you? You selfish, bastard, murderer-”

“Stop.”

“You only know how to hurt people, don’t you remember?”

“I have friends.”

“Oh yeah? Where are they now?”

Tony halted, unable to answer. He could almost see it now, the voice; it was like looking at his reflection in a mirror, only distorted, and with a cruel, mocking smile on its lips.

“Just as I thought” the voice laughed “You have no one. Even Pepper is gone. Good riddance, for her. I bet she’d have hanged herself, had she stayed with you any longer.”

Icy tears rolled freely on his cheeks, hearing that name.

“You only have enemies, Stark” the reflection continued “Just do yourself a favor and admit it.”

“I- I-”

“And none more than Rogers. You know what? I think you should kill him.”

For a second, he was certain all the blood in his veins had frozen.

“Yes, a good old-fashioned vendetta” Tony’s reflection whispered “That’s what he deserves. I can see it already. You suggest a meeting, just he and you, because you have secret information to give him. You could tell him you found a way to clear his name. Then, when he comes, you take a noose and you watch until it squeezes the life out of his body. What’s that face, Tony? You don’t like it? You prefer a knife to carve the heart out of his chest? Or a grenade? Now that would be nice. You still have some, don’t you? You didn’t destroy them all. Wouldn’t it be nice to sit and watch as the shrapnel find their way to his heart? As he screams in pain?”

“No, no!”

He couldn’t stand the voice any longer. Tony turned and ran away, the direction didn’t matter, as long as the voice left him alone. But it’s impossible to escape from something that’s in your own head.

“What’s the matter, Tony?” the voice laughed “Why do you run? Are those tears? Murderers don’t cry, Tony.”

Something grabbed his left arm, halting him. Tony fell on the ground, tasting the dirt on his tongue. Coughing, he looked around, trying to find what seized him, but he was alone. He couldn’t even tell which direction the car was. What had happened? Then, he remembered the bracelet on his wrist. Two miles, that was what Thor said. Two miles from Loki.

“You’re thinking of _him_ , now?” the voice came back, engulfing him “He said himself he was only using you. You can’t really think he feels something for you. Why? Because of a bottle of pills? Because you have something in common? Actually you do. You’re both monsters.”

“Stop it!” Tony cried.

His fingers found a sharp rock under the grass.

“Kill Steve, you’ll feel better” the voice whispered “Kill Steve Rogers.”

“ _Stop it!_ ”

He raised the stone high above his head. There was only one way to silence the voice but, a moment before he could smash his own skull, a strong hand grasped his wrist and twisted until he had to let go of the weapon.

Trembling, Tony turned around to meet the familiar fire of Loki’s eyes.

***

Loki burned with rage. He had woken up to find Tony’s mattress empty, his cover tossed on the ground. The Asgardian had cursed mentally, thinking the other had waited for him to sleep to escape. Loki had jumped on his feet, a knife appearing in his hand.

Despite the darkness, it didn’t take him long to find Tony. Loki jumped on him and clutched his wrist. He was ready to plunge the knife in Stark’s throat, he didn’t care about the consequences, but before he could do anything Tony turned and Loki saw the tears in his eyes.

The god froze.

“What are you doing?” he muttered, as the fire in his chest died out.

Tony trembled so much he seemed unable to answer. Quickly, Loki examined him. Tremors, lividity, sweat and blood-injected eyes. He had already seen such symptoms in other men.

Loki snorted: “It’s the drinking, isn’t it? You are in withdrawal!”

Stark barely nodded.

With an annoyed grunt, Loki tossed the knife aside and leaned over to place an hand on Tony’s forehead. At first he tried to slip away, but the Asgardian didn’t let him.

“Stay still” Loki ordered and started murmuring the words of a relief spell.

Soon, he felt Tony’s muscle relax and his breath returning to normal.

“Why do you do this?”

“Do what?” Stark wheezed.

“Everything you can to destroy yourself,” Loki said “I do not understand.”

Tony scoffed: “Sometimes, neither do I.”

Still confused, the Asgardian backed off.

“This is just for the pain” he explained “Everything else, I can’t do anything about.”

Tony shrugged, as if to say he understood: “You’re full of surprises today.”

Loki raised an eyebrow: “How so?”

“Well, all this sudden kindness…” he made his usual little sniff “It’s not the Loki I know.”

He thanked Yggdrasil it was dark, because otherwise Tony would have seen his face turn purple.

“It’s not kindness,” he growled “I don’t want to have to carry you around like a dead body, that’s all! I need you healthy enough to stand on your feet.”

“Yeah, it makes sense” Stark replied, with a tired sigh.

For a few moments they just sat together in the dark, listening to the whistle of the wind through the grass. It was not kindness, Loki repeated to himself. He couldn’t care less about Stark, he was only making sure this journey was as smooth as it could be.

Nothing else.

He glanced at Stark and thought, bitterly, that he used to be a better liar once.

“Can you make me sleep?” Tony said, out of the blue “Like you did this morning.”

Loki stared at him for moment before nodding: “Sure.”

He gently cupped a hand around Tony’s nape and brought their foreheads closer, until they touched. Stark closed his eyes.

“ _Sleep_.”

When Tony’s body slumped, Loki’s arms were ready to embrace him. The god waited until he was sure Stark was completely asleep, keeping him close to his chest to warm him up. Loki gently got on his feet and walked back to the road, carrying Tony in his arms.

***

There was smell of coffee. Stark opened his eyes, not without effort, but finally he managed to bring into focus the paper cup in front of him. A pale hand with tapered, elegant fingers dangeled it under his nose.

“Drink” Loki said, blunt.

Tony gratefully took the cup into his hands and sipped; the coffee was bitter, without sugar or milk. Just as he liked it.

“How long did I sleep?” he wondered, when he noticed they were not moving.

Stark glanced outside his window; he saw a fast food parking lot in the middle of absolutely nowhere. He had no way to tell how long they travelled, but by the kind of light - fuck, the sun was painful - it must have been early afternoon.

“Around twelve hours” Loki replied.

So that was why he felt so wasted. Was it his imagination, or Loki was actively avoiding to look at him?

“Where are we?”

“The last village we met was called Chester and that,” the god pointed to something at the horizon “Is the end of the road.”

Three stark peaks towered over the grass, like ancient sentinels waiting to awake from their millennial slumber.

“I know this place” Tony realized “It’s, uhm… Sweetgrass Hills, right? We’re in Montana.”

Loki shrugged: “I don’t know how you call it now, but centuries ago it was _Kátoyissiksi_. The humans living here thought it was a sacred place, where they could be visited by their Gods. In a way, they were right.”

“So what do we do now?”

“We climb.”

“...”

“...”

“You gotta be kidding me.”

“Not at all,” Loki replied, deadly serious “We need to reach the top to open the portal.”

Tony groaned. His head was still too messed up for trekking.

“We have to move” Loki continued, adjusting his seatbelt and starting the engine “We must get there before sunset.”

“Of course. Sunset. How could I not think about it?” Stark grumbled and he choked down what was left of the coffee.

They drove out of the parking lot, in direction of the middle hill. Soon enough the empty road became a narrow dirt track; despite the suspension, Tony felt every bump and hole. The car climbed and climbed until it abruptly ended.

Loki stopped the car. That was as far as they could go. They’d have to walk the rest of the way.

“I was really missing a stroll in nature” Tony said with fake delight and he thanked whatever god was up there that he wasn’t wearing loafers. The path they needed to follow was barely a faint trace in the grass.

“Now’s your chance” Loki replied.

He took a jacket from the trunk and closed the car.

“Here,” the god said, throwing the keys at Tony “With a bit of luck, I won’t be needing them anymore.”

“Mm” Stark scratched his head “How long is this gonna take?”

Loki glanced at the hill, then at the sun before saying: “Five hours, more or less. We should reach the top just in time.”

“If I get tired, will you carry me?”

“No.” the god replied, moving the first steps on the trail “Come on Stark!”

Tony muttered every possible insult that came to his mind as he started climb the rocky path behind Loki.

“Couldn’t you choose a portal at _sea level_?”

***

Every step brought him closer to home. That was what Loki kept telling himself, to justify the furious beating of his heart and the clench in his guts. He didn’t have a clear plan for when he’d arrive to Asgard; what would he tell them?

Maybe a speech like: “Yes, I’m here, don’t panic. No, actually you should panic, because something is coming and no matter how much we can prepare, we’ll never be ready for it.”

As for what was coming and what it was looking for, well - Loki swallowed - even if they didn’t want to throw him in the dungeons forever before, as soon as he would tell them it was his fault they were in danger Loki knew they’d want his head.

But at least they’d have time to escape.

“Look at you” Loki thought, bitterly “Everytime you try to be the hero, you end up the villain.”

Not like Stark. The god glanced back to him for a second. Stark was a hero like he could never be. Even now, defeated and dying, Loki couldn’t help but admiring him.

No! No. What the Hell? Since when did he leave his thoughts wandering away like that? He really had to go home and shake Stark’s presence out of his life.

“Keep up, Tin Man!” Loki grumbled, just out of spite.

“Fuck - oh shit I can’t breath - you.”

Loki hid an amused smirk.

They walked for three hours before the god called the halt. Tony immediately sprawled himself on the grass, panting and covered in sweat. Loki sat down next to him, tired himself, and passed him a flask full of water he had conjured out of thin air.

“Cheers” Stark wheezed, sipping the liquid “I guess I neglected the gym, lately.”

Happens when you have no reasons to keep healthy, Loki thought bitterly. He still didn’t understand why Stark had gotten himself on this spiral of self destruction, instead of fighting it. It was like he had given up already.

“So, in a couple of hours you’ll be back to Asgard,” Tony said, sitting up right “Nervous?”

Loki scoffed: “Why? Because I’m not sure if they’ll kill me on sight or wait till I speak?”

“Yeah” the other replied, with a little sniff “It’s weird, isn’t it? Not being sure of how much time you have left. I have never liked waitings. I’d rather just… Get on with it.”

“Is that why you were drinking yourself blind?”

Loki regretted that the moment he said it.

“Yes” the billionaire whispered, a tremble in his voice.

They were both silent for a minute, just looking at the valley at their feet.

Finally, Loki broke the silence: “I’m sorry.”

Tony shrugged: “That doesn’t change a thing.”

“Why don’t you tell Thor?” Loki insisted “He can have the healers of Asgard help you.”

“ _No!_ ” Stark almost cried “Please, don’t. I am sick and tired of hoping, of fighting this…”

With an exhausted snort, Tony rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“I want it,” he admitted, eventually “I want to lay down and let it take me. Hopefully I won’t have nightmares when I’m dead.”

“Nightmares?” Loki asked, suddenly remembering why they ended up on that journey in the first place “Like the one where your skin turns blue?”

“That’s just the latest.”

“When did it start?”

Tony stared at him, probably wondering where all that interest came from: “A few days.”

“Yes?”

“Actually, since…” Stark hesitated, then shook his head “Never mind.”

Loki would have liked to ask him so much more. What else did he see? Was there a cave in Tony’s dreams as well? His instincts screamed their nightmares were connected, yet Loki just couldn’t figure out how or why. The tarot reading didn’t help him a bit; it just spoke of a new bond between two souls, but that was just a small detail compared to what else he had discovered from the cards. And the least troublesome.

The god took a long sip of water. He was missing something. The pieces of the puzzle were all laid in front of him, he just had to understand how to connect them. Hopefully, once in Asgard everything would be clearer.

***

The wind started blowing when they were just a few meters from the top. It rushed down from the North, right into Tony’s face. The billionaire snorted, disgusted.

“Holy-! Do you smell that?”

“Yes” Loki said, helping him climbing a rock “Probably some dead animal.”

“It’s awful.”

And, Stark suddenly realized, kinda familiar. He tried to recall where he smelled that before. Was it that weird cheese Wanda kept in the fridge? No, not quite. Whatever it was, it didn’t give him any good feelings.

“We’re almost there, I can see the top” Loki announced.

Tony snorted: “Thank God! These jeans are way too tight for hiking, if you had warned me-”

His last words were covered by a blood curdling screech. They both froze on the spot and Tony felt the hair on his neck stand up. He knew that sound.

“Loki,” he whispered, feeling a cold layer of sweat forming on his skin “Did you hear it?”

By the look of pure terror in his eyes, Tony could tell he did.

“Was that..?”

Loki shushed him. For a few seconds they stood still, listening, hoping never to hear the sound again but, just when Tony finally managed to convince himself it was all his imagination, the scream wounded his ears once again. And this time he had no doubt.

“It can’t be” Loki muttered, pale as a ghost.

The God, started climbing faster. Stark had to make an effort to keep up with him. They reached the top in a flash and hid behind the rocks; from their hiding, they could see the sharp summit, its sony edges painted red by the setting sun, and the three creatures standing there.

Tony felt a shiver running down his spine: “Chitauri.”

Now he remembered the smell, it took him weeks to wash it off his armour after his Jonah-and-the-whale stunt.

“But that’s impossible” he heard Loki say “The tarots, this is all wrong.”

“Tarots?”

But the God was not listening: “The tarots said Thanos would attack my home, why are his Chitauri _here_?”

"Thanos?" Tony asked "Who's Thanos?"

“Remember that alien ship you threw a nuke at?”

“Yes.”

“That was his ship.”

“Oh.”

Tony noticed the God was trembling.

“He’s the master of the Chitauri” Loki explained “And possibly the most dangerous being of the whole universe.”

“And you think this is-?”

“Yes” he said “That is a vanguard.”

Loki turned and Tony followed his glance; the sun was low on the horizon, almost ready to disappear behind the sea of grass.

The God swallowed: “When the sun sets, the portal will open and many more will come.”

Stark felt his stomach twist. Suddenly he was back in Sokovia, the vision of his friends, dead, laid in front of his eyes. And now, he realized with terror, it was just about to come true.

“We have to destroy that portal” he said, without hesitation.

“No!” Loki growled back “I need it to reach Asgard.”

“If that army comes, you won’t have any legs to reach Asgard with.”

The God made a gesture of anger, but he could not deny Tony was right. Stark watched as he conjured a knife in both hands.

Loki played with the weapons, testing the balance: “I’ll do it, you don’t interfere.”

“I can fight” Tony tried to argue, but the other gave him a cold glare.

“Not without your armor,” Loki hissed “You’re just a human. A _dying_ human, with no powers.”

His words hurt Tony even more, because they were true. He had never felt so powerless, so small and useless in his entire life. And it sucked.

Loki gave him one last warning: “Stay.”

Then, he vanished.

Tony peeked from behind the rocks. He didn’t have to wait long to see Loki reappearing again, just behind the creatures. The God killed the first of them without making a sound. Tony watched as he battled the remaining two, almost hypnotized by Loki’s movements; he looked more like a dancer than a warrior, attacking rapidly with a combination of blades and magic. Tony just wished he could be there, fight side by side with him, instead of hiding.

Everything was over quickly. Maybe too quickly.

“Stay there” Loki said, confirming his suspects, as a ball of energy formed in his hand “There could be more around.”

The Asgardian aimed at a pair of rocks forming a triangle. The portal. Loki raised his arm, ready to destroy it.

Tony saw the spell leaving his hand, but not when it hit the rocks; a scream behind him made him turn and Stark found himself face to face with the last Chitauri. The alien screamed again, spitting all over Tony. Panicked, his first reaction was to raise his hand to hit it with a blast, followed by the realization: he didn’t have his armor on. He was defenseless.

The alien grabbed his arm and hurled Tony away. He felt the void in his stomach, followed by the staggering pain in his head and back when he hit the ground.  

Loki’s voice seemed to come from miles away: “ _TONY!!_ ”

It looked like someone had put the world in slow motion. Stark saw every detail of the Chitauri as he jumped on him, its sharp teeth, the eyes filled with blood lust, the muscles flexing like those of a predator. All in a single moment.  

“Oh shit” he realized “I’m about to die.”

He felt a familiar tickle, forming in his chest, in his lungs, in the furious beat of his heart. Like electricity, flowing through his bones. Down his arms, to the point of his fingers. Stark let it take him completely. He was not going to die.

Magic flames enveloped his fist, as Tony punched the alien right in the heart. The creature screamed in pain and retreated, but Stark had not intentions of letting it escape. He jumped on his feet , full of anger and magic. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so alive. Conjuring a weapon of fire in both hands, Tony sprang forward. The Chitauri didn’t even have the time to realize what was happening, that the flaming blade chopped the head off its neck. For a second, its body remained erected, its arms loose and its shoulder relaxed; then, with a simplicity that surprised Tony, it just fell on the ground.

Stark stared at the puddle of grey blood forming around the alien, barely aware of anything but the feeling of his own blood rushing beneath his skin. He didn’t die. Tony was not sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry. And magic, _magic!_ How did he make it all those years without the adrenaline of magic?

But then something woke him. He turned and saw Loki staring at him, his eyes so wide opened Tony was afraid they might pop out of his skull.

“Was that-” Loki eventually found the strength to ask “Was that _magic?_ ”

“Err no” Tony lied “No it wasn’t.”

“Yes it was.”

“You’re mistaken.”

“I can recognize magic when I see it.”

“Have your eyes checked then.”

Suddenly Loki seemed to realize something: “It was you. _You_ violated my library!”

“Okay okay!” Tony admitted, caught red-handed “Yes. I went into the library. I cast a spell hoping to heal my heart, but I doesn’t matter because it didn’t work.”

“Oh, didn’t it?”

“No.”

Loki seemed about to explode: “You think so?”

“Yes, I’m positive. I-”

“And what about the nightmares?” the god growled.

Tony froze in mid phrase.

“Did they started _after_ you cast the spell?”

The horrified look of realization on Stark’s face was enough of an answer.

“STARK!” Loki grabbed him by the t-shirt “What have you done?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit it, I was not sure I'd be able to continue, but here we are :)  
> Thank you all for your patience <3


	7. Stolen Life

Strange had no idea what mystical force was providing him the necessary patience, but he was glad it did, because he was _this_ close to committing a homicide.

The sorcerer snorted: “I hate to be the one saying ‘I told you’...”

“Liar.”

“But I told you!”

Loki glared back, his arms crossed like a kid who knows he has fucked up, but pretends to be right anyway. That was what Strange had to deal with. A two-thousand year old kid and the mess he had made on his planet. Again. The doctor glanced at the man standing beside Loki; Tony Stark kept staring at the floating red cape, a vague light of concern in his eyes.

Ever since the Sanctum bell had rung, that morning, Strange could smell trouble in the air.

“Okay,” Stephen said, rubbing the bridge of his nose “Start again, from the beginning.”

“Yes, Stark” Loki hissed “Start from the beginning.”

Tony cleared his throat, hesitating: “I- uhm, I was looking for a spell to heal my heart. I entered Loki’s library, found one and - uhm, I casted it. But I thought it didn’t work. Now, as in why I know magic-”

“You’ve been trained by the Ancient One” Strange finished for him “Then abandoned you studies when you realized you couldn’t bring your mother back from the dead.”

Both Loki and Tony stared at him, speechless.

“Am I missing something?”

“How do you know this?” Tony asked, alarmed.

He shrugged: “She wrote a lot about you in her journals. The Ancient One regarded you as one of her best students-”

“How nice of her.”

“-And the greatest failure of her entire career.”

“... Ah.”

And she was the one to train Kaecilius. Who almost destroyed Earth. Strange made a mental note to keep Stark under close control.

“Continue, please.”

“Yes the fact is, I started to have weird dreams.”

“We both did” added Loki.

Strange lighted up: “Dreams that feel like memories, but are not?”

By the look on their faces, Stephen knew he had hit the right spot.

“You know what happened?” Loki asked.

“I might” the sorcerer conceded “I just hope I’m wrong.”

Stephen’s hand reached out. A book came floating down from a shelf, its pages spread open like seagull wings. When the sorcerer grabbed it, Tony instantly recognized it.

“That’s it” Stark said.

Loki wheezed: “Of all the books in my library you just had to pick the one about necromancy, didn’t you?”

“And I guess this is the spell” Stephen said, showing Tony a very familiar page “ _Anima Abrupta._ ”

He nodded: “Yes, the spell of borrowed life.”

Loki snatched the book from Strange’s hands, reading it frantically. When he looked back at Tony, his glare could melt ice.

“This doesn’t say ‘borrowed life’” the god hissed “It says ‘ _stolen_ life’.”

“... Oh”

“Yeah. Oh!”

He passed the book to Strange, who carefully examined the inscriptions.

“Oh yes, yes” the sorcerer said, after a while “This is unfortunate.”

“How unfortunate?” Tony muttered.

“Extremely unfortunate” Stephen violently closed the book “This spell bounds life forces together. You Stark are like a leech, sucking Loki’s energy to survive.”

The billionaire trembled: “So it worked? I’m not dying?”

“Yey, hazzah, good for you!” Loki growled, then turned to look at Stephen “How do I break it?”

“You don’t.”

The god’s eyes screamed for murder: “Excuse me, what?”

“You can’t break it.”

“Nonsense!” Loki roared “Any spell can be broken.”

“Meh” Stephen replied “Theoretically, yes. Problem is, your souls are merging together. The bond gets deeper by the minute and, at this stage, it would be impossible to separate them… Without killing you both.”

“Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant!”

Loki stomped away, fuming.

“Hey, where are you going?” Tony called him, trying to stop the God, but he already had his hand on the door handle.

“As far away from you as I can!” Loki growled.

He slammed the entrance behind him.

“Give him time” Strange said, seeing the disheartened expression on Tony’s face “Would you like a cup of tea?”

Tony nodded absently: “Yes, that would be nice.”

***

Strange’s sofa was too hard, with a strong smell of incense. Tony tried to sit in a couple of different positions, but the old piece of furniture seemed made to make him feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, his thoughts were so focused on Loki that he barely noticed the cup floating in his laps and filling itself with tea. The more he tried to make sense for the last few days the more confused he grew; just moments before he was sure he was dying and suddenly he learned he was not only going to live, but that his soul and Loki’s were connected. With no turning back.

“You must have a lot of questions” Strange said, shaking him back to the present “But first I have a few of my own. This portal you told me about, are you sure it’s destroyed?”

Tony took a sip of tea: “Positive.”

Stephen seemed pleased: “Anyway we can’t let our guard down, we don’t know if it was the only one.”

“You think this… Thanos wants to attack Earth again?”

“I don’t know him as well as our mischievous friend does” Strange admitted “If he comes, we will deal with him. I have more pressings concern now.”

“Such as?”

“You” the sorcerer said, examining Tony as if he was a patient with a rare disease “What to do with you.”

Stark toyed with his cup, nervously. It was the first time he talked to a sorcerer in, what? Twenty years? They were just as he remembered them, inquisitive beyond bearing. No wonder Strange was the Ancient One’s new favourite boy.

“What about it?” Tony scoffed.

Stephen’s eyes narrowed: “You have to understand, Stark, the consequences of this spell can make you extremely dangerous. Do you think it will stop at nightmares? Your souls are merging and so are your memories, your emotions… your powers.”

He didn’t like where this was going, Tony thought scratching his neck.

“So?”

“So, you now have access to magic more powerful than any other human being, Asgardian magic,” Strange insisted “I’d sleep better if I knew you can control it.”

Tony shrugged: “I don’t feel any different from before.”

It was a lie. He could still feel the power vibrating just underneath his skin, the sensation never left him after what happened on Sweetgrass Hill, but Stark would not let Strange lock him away like some radiation-filled guinea pig.

“For now” if the sorcerer knew Tony’s intentions, he never showed “Don’t fool yourself into thinking it will last. Loki will change you and you him. Have you had any new thoughts lately? Emotions you can’t fully explain? Rage?”

Stark could almost hear it again, the voice in his head whispering to kill Rogers.

“No” he lied again.

For a moment, Strange just studied him.

“The best way to get through this” he said, eventually “Is for Loki to train you.”

Tony burst into laugh, just to stop right away under Stephen’s serious glare.

“Wait, you mean it?”

“Quite” the sorcerer replied.

Stark snorted: “He’ll never agree.”

For the first time, Tony saw a genuine smile on the doctor’s face: “Why don’t you ask him?”

***

“Why didn’t you ask me?!” Rogers barked, unable to decide whether he wanted to hugh Bucky because he returned without a scratch or punch him for giving him such a fright.

The former assassin rolled his eyes: “Oh my god, Steve! I’m one-hundred years old and you are not my mother.”

“You disappeared.”

“I was with the cat.”

“I was worried!”

“Well, you didn’t have to be!” Bucky insisted “You might now, though.”

Steve took another look at the alien corpse laid on the table and couldn’t but agree. All those years, he had hoped never to see a Chitauri again. He was so sure they’d never attack Earth once more, but he was wrong. And Tony - Steve snorted internally - Tony had been right the whole time.

“Did you kill it?” Rogers asked, searching the dead flesh for signs of struggle.

“No” T’Challa answered, joining them in the morgue “They were dead when we found them.”

The king looked tired, gloom, but Steve was glad to notice that his resolution seemed still strong.

“You fought them before, any idea what could have happened?” The Wakandan asked.

Steve thought about it: “In New York they all dropped dead after Stark blew up their ship, at the other end of the portal, like they were somehow linked,” he explained “Maybe they need a connection with their homeworld or something to survive here, and when the connection is lost…”

Steve gestured at the carcass.

“We have to warn Tony” he said.

Bucky stiffened: “I don’t trust him.”

“I know,” Rogers grabbed his friend’s shoulder “But this is bigger that all of us, Buck. It’s the reason why the Avengers were created. And now the world needs us again.”

“I agree with Barns.”

Steve turned to stare at T’Challa, unable to believe what he had just head from the king’s mouth.

“What?”

The king didn’t flinch: “I don’t think we should tell anyone yet, especially not Stark.”

“All due respect, your Majesty, but Tony is the first who needs to know. He can help us.”

“All due respect, I seem to remember that last time Mr Stark tried to help the world, he ended up creating Ultron” T’Challa lashed back.

Rogers tried to think of a reply, but with no use. He knew the Wakandan was right, Steve was the first to wish Ultron had never existed. If only Tony had talked to him. If only he had confided his fears to Steve, they could have found a way out, together. And maybe the Avengers would have been still united.

“I know” Rogers said “He can be difficult, but Stark knows this enemy better than everyone on Earth.”

T’Challa glared: “We don’t know yet if they will attack again. In the meantime, Captain, you’ll forgive me if I focus on protecting my own people.”

“Your Majesty-”

“That is my final word, Captain” the king hushed him “Don’t forget you are but guests here.”

T’Challa left them alone with the corpse. Steve groaned, scratching the back of his neck.

Bucky cleared his voice: “Why do I have the feeling you will do something stupid?”

Steve cracked a smiled. Not yet, he decided. Although he could understand the Wakandan’s desire to put his country first, T'Challa was wrong and very soon they would all need Tony Stark.      

***

Loki sat on the bench, glaring at every kid running by screaming. Apparently the park one block away from the Sanctum was as far away as he could go from Tony; the bracelet wouldn’t allow more, a physical reminder of the irreversible connection between them.

He groaned. When did his life turned bananas? Loki tried to pinpoint the moment in his memories, but he couldn’t find it. There had to be one, he reflected; what decision, what turning point could explain him ending up attached to a human? And not any human, Tony Stark! How could Loki have not prevented this? Well, he thought, to be fair he had no idea Stark was a sorcerer. Otherwise, he’d never create the entrance to the library in his presence.

What now? Loki had absolutely no idea. Maybe the spell would sustain Stark until he’d died of old age, in a normal human lifespan. That was the least dark scenario, but the god could think of many others, far more frightening. What if the spell affected Loki’s own life? What if it made him mortal? Or what if it forced Stark to live on for centuries, a breathing corpse unable to die?

Loki rubbed the bridge of his nose. For the first time in his life, he didn’t have a plan.

“Hey.”

The god looked up, meeting Tony’s eyes. A sting of frustration hit Loki when he realized that his heart was beating a bit faster, that even after all that happened he was happy Tony found him.

Stark was dangling something in front of him; Loki seemed to remember it was a kind of human food.

The Asgardian raised an eyebrow: “What’s this?”

“A peace offering,” Tony muttered with a little shrug “In the form of a mint and chocolate cone, I asked if they had some golden topping but...”

The chuckle slipped from his lips before Loki could stop it. He took the ice cream and made some space on the bench, allowing Tony to sit beside him.

The god licked the cone: “It’s good.”

“Good.”

“Yeah…”

And awkward silence fell between them.

“Are you very angry?”

“Why?” Loki scoffed “Because you attached your life at mine without asking?”

Tony had the decency to look sheepish.

“For what it’s worth” he said “I am sorry. I was just trying to save myself and I had no idea, I mean, I never wanted to… Hurt you. I don’t even know how I did it.”

Part of Loki wanted to grab him by the neck and scream that his pathetic excuses changed nothing. But that would have meant dropping the ice cream.

“It’s possible that the spell required a beacon, an object belonging to the other person,” Loki explained “You were surrounded with my effects.”

Tony made a little sniff: “It makes sense. You know, Strange said we are exchanging memories.”

“Yes.”

“So, in my nightmares, when I see my hand turn blue…”

Loki tensed: “Is it my memory?”

Stark nodded.

Loki didn’t answer, he wasn’t ready to face that aspect of their bonding. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be. Luckily, Tony seemed to understand right away and quickly changed the subject.

“Strange also suggested you teach me magic.”

Loki burst into laugh.

“Yes, that’s what I told him.”

“Me? Teaching magic to _you_?” the god shook his head, giggling “I don’t know what kind of spells you humans learn at Kamar-Taj, but I can tell you it’s kindred garden compared to Asgardian sorcery!”

Tony smirked: “But I’m more than a human now.”

“Stop reminding me.”

“Look,” Stark snorted “It’s not like I’m jumping up and down at the thought of having you as a teacher, you know, you look like a Professor Snape and I’m a gifted orphan whose parents were murdered by the bad guys…”

“What are you talking about? Who’s this Snake?”

“Snape. Never read _Harry Potter_?”

“No.”

“You start tonight, I have the whole series at the Compound,” Tony shrugged “The point is, Strange is right. Whether we like it or not, I have your powers now. I can feel them under my skin. And it’s not a nice feeling.”

“So you want to learn to control my magic?”

“Yes.”

“You can’t,” Loki snapped “And even if you could, I don’t see the point. Now more than ever, we must find another portal and return to Asgard. If there’s someone who can break the spell, it’s Odin.”

“What about the Chitauri?”

Loki raised an eyebrow: “What about them?”

“What if they come back to attack Earth?”

“It’s not my problem.”

“Really? Are you sure?” Stark shot back “Because I remember you saying that, according to your magical cards, the Chitauri would come to your home. You said 'home', I remember.”

Loki blushed: “I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“Alright, maybe I did,” he conceded “But there are millions of explanations for it. Maybe I read the tarots wrong.”

“Or,” Tony insisted, with a small grin “Maybe you’re supposed to stay here. Maybe, you’re supposed to defend Earth.”

“Don’t mistake me with Thor, I have no love for humans.”

He had hoped that was the end of the argument, but Tony spoke again.

“I’d like you to stay,” Stark said, so quickly Loki almost couldn’t catch it “I’d really like if you could… fight with me. And teach me.”

Loki stared at the almost empty cone, battling with a sudden urge to accept Tony’s offer.

“You can’t learn” he said, eventually.  

Stark smiled: “Try me.”

Loki swallowed the last bit of ice cream. So the human wanted to be tested. Very well, he thought, anticipating the satisfaction of seeing Stark making a fool of himself.

“As you wish,” the Asgardian grinned.

He stood up and gestured Tony to follow him. As the walked in the park, looking for a quiet spot, Loki mentally listed all the most complicate spells he knew. Eventually, they found a sort of secret garden, a hidden behind walls of neatly trimmed bushes; it had a small meadow, flower beds full of tiger lilies and forget-me-nots, a pond - well, more like a deep puddle. Loki glanced around, satisfied. Only squirrels could disturb them. It was the best place for what he had in mind.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Tony said “Hit me.”

Loki chuckled: “Believe me, I’d love to. But I have something else in mind.”

Kneeling, he touched the earth. The god let him magic penetrate the ground, looking for seeds. Soon he found one. Loki slowly raised his hand and, as it got up, a new plant followed it, growing until it reached the god’s weist.

Loki examined the young apple tree, satisfied. Then, he glanced at Stark.

“Now grow it” he told him.

Stark smirked, taking off his jacket: “Growing a tree, really? That’s all?”

Loki only grinned in reply.

Tony folded the jacket neatly on a bench, then proceeded to roll up his sleeves. The arrogant little smile never left his lips. Clearing his voice, Stark approached the plant and reach out to touch it. The blossom instantly carbonized under Stark’s fingers.

“...”

Loki grin widened: “Impressive.”

The other cursed under his breath.

“You think is simple?” the god scoffed “What human create is feeble and ephemeral like their own existence. Asgardian magic, on the other hand, can truly shape reality. It takes centuries to learn and it’s out of the reach of any mortal!”

Loki was about to walk away, but Tony stopped him.

“Let me try again.”

“Why?” he mocked him “So you can embarrass yourself even further? Just drop it, Stark, frankly-”

Words died in his mouths when Tony touched the dead plant once more. The apple tree trembled as if an electric charge passed through its roots; the leaves suddenly regained color and under Loki’s astonished eyes the tree grew taller and taller, until its branches covered the whole garden, like a dome. Fruits appeared among the leaves, huge red apples, with such a sweet perfume it almost gave him an headache. Loki stared at the full grown tree, speechless.

“Well,” Tony chuckled, picking an apple and examining it “Impressive.”

***

Loki hadn’t said a single word since he had made that tree grow. Tony spent the whole journey back to the Compound glancing at the god, in search of an expression, a twitch, anything that could help him guess what the Asgardian was thinking, but Loki remained perfectly still on the passenger seat. Tony wondered if he was even breathing.

It was the most awkward two-hour drive of his life.

Stark sighed with relief when they finally passed the Compound’s gates, but the relief lasted only until he saw a familiar figure standing by the door.

“Oh shit” he wheezed, recognizing Rhodey.

The Colonel looked like he could choke the life out of Tony just by staring at him.

As soon as Stark stopped the car, Loki jumped out and stomped inside the Compound, fuming. Tony didn’t even try to follow him.

“Hey Rhodey,” he waved his hand, with a stiff smile “How have you been?”

James glared: “How have I been? Let’s see, a few days ago I came here expecting to find you and instead Vision tells me you’re at the hospital. So I go to the hospital and you’re not there. So I go back to the Pentagon and _mobilitate the entire U.S. army to find you, how do you think I’ve been? And was that Loki???_ ”

“Err, yes, that’s him” Tony muttered, turning red “You’re right, I’m sorry, I - uhm - I can’t really explain right now, but I’m okay. I am. You coming in for a coffee?”

But Rhodey’s serious expression didn’t change: “What is going on, Tony?”

“Going on? Nothing is going on,” he replied, nervously.

He instantly knew he would regret this. He should have told Rhodey everything, from the moment Thor stormed in his kitchen, to Dr Barrow and his diagnosis, the spell, the journey with Loki, Strange, everything. He just couldn’t bring himself to speak.

They barely talked as the Colonel sipped his coffee. Tony was tempted to ask him about Pepper, but in the end he decided he didn’t want to know how happy she was without him. James stayed less than an hour.

Alone, Tony ordered a take-away and tried to find an answer to his doubts in the shape of his seafood pad thai. It was weird, he reflected as he tried to grab a shrimp with the chopsticks and, upon failure, proceeding to just stab it. It was weird how quickly he had come to terms with his imminent death and now - the shrimp was a bit chewy - he had to make an effort to remember he would live.

The noodles left an aftertaste of garlic and peanut oil on his tongue.

“Oh well.”

Since he didn’t have to worry about his heart anymore, Tony thought getting up from the kitchen table, he might as well finish that bottle of Jack Daniels he left in his room.

He went back to his quarter and found the whiskey waiting for him on the nightstand. He removed the topper and was about to take a sip when he heard a decisive knock at the door. Puzzled, Tony opened it.

Loki’s green glare appeared.

“What-?”

“Tomorrow we begin,” the god interrupted him and, before Tony could reply, he snatched the bottle of whiskey “Sleep well.”

Loki walked away. Stark remained like paralysed at the door, wishing he could cancel the smile appearing on his face. And totally unable to do it.


End file.
